They are women in their thirties who are already mothers to dozens of bachurim. Meet women who have devoted their lives to T’mimim living far from home. Their role combines work and modeling family life under the umbrella of a unique shlichus.
By Racheli Ben Chaim
Hosting a class in Rabbi Kirshnzaft’s home. | Springer children making dessert for the bachurim.When the Rebbe Rashab founded Yeshivas Tomchei T’mimim in Lubavitch, his mother Rebbetzin Rivka immediately got involved. She worked in the kitchen and made sleeping arrangements for the bachurim, some of which were in her own home. She often inquired about the welfare of the students and treated them like her own children. She referred to them as “di kinder” (the children).
Today too, there are versions of Rebbetzin Rivka, young women whose husbands work in yeshivos, who fill a role no less important. They provide the bachurim with a home and enable their husbands to be absent from home for many hours. They also devote personal, couple, and family time to the yeshiva and its students.
OUR CHABAD HOUSE: THE YESHIVA
Mrs. Chani Kirshnzaft is the wife of Rabbi Levi Yitzchok, a mashpia in Yeshivas Chanoch L’Naar in Tzfas:
“When we married, we wanted to go on shlichus. We are both from homes of shlichus in Even Yehuda and Gush Katif. At the end of our first year in the Tzfas community, when my husband had already started working in Yeshivas Chanoch L’Naar, we found a great place of shlichus. We wrote to the Rebbe and the answer left us without a shadow of a doubt. The Rebbe wrote that he was shocked and dismayed to hear that instead of being a mashpia in yeshiva he was going to learn with just one young man and two bachurim. That was actually what my husband was going to do when we went on shlichus. In the second letter, the Rebbe wrote to a woman that she needs to continue at her current job.
“Since then, I decided that this is our family shlichus officially: shluchim in yeshiva.
“If I lived on shlichus, I would bake challos and give them out to families. Now I make challa and cake for the bachurim. When a bachur has a birthday, he is our guest for the Shabbos meal. I enable my husband to be in yeshiva even beyond work hours, to talk with parents for hours, because this is the job of a shliach.
“When my husband is in yeshiva, there is no such thing as the house being disconnected from what he does. The entire home is a partner, and the partnership affects the marital relationship as well. When my husband includes me in what is going on at yeshiva, it makes a strong connection between us. It is a major topic of our conversation. I am involved in the deliberations and decisions and I take an interest in it.”
In what ways do you feel that you are giving something up?
“For example, I send the children off to school and handle bedtime on my own, and it’s not easy. Especially after a birth and during pressured times, it is challenging. But I am encouraged by the fact that he is a shliach who is giving shiurim at that time to mekuravim. We never defined the job as ‘work.’ The salary is merely a bonus that provides peace of mind. The babysitter at daycare told me that on 19 Kislev, our daughter Mushka cried that she wanted her father. One of the girls tried to calm her by saying that her father is at work. Mushka began to laugh. ‘Abba is in yeshiva; not at work.’
“On Rosh HaShana and Shavuos, we are with the entire family at yeshiva. It is part of the family life experience. I bring cake and good food just like the other wives of staff members. Being in yeshiva is a powerful experience that strengthens the connection between us.
“There is an element of sacrifice in this also. Instead of traveling to parents and enjoying being with family, we have to schlep playpens and bedding to yeshiva. It’s hard for the children to fall asleep in a strange place, but it’s our shlichus.”
They spend the holidays in yeshiva with other staff families. Last Shavuos, Chani suggested a festive menu that would add to the atmosphere. They bought pretty disposable plates and all the wives of staff members, as well as bachurim on kitchen duty, cooked and helped out.
“We felt like a couple on shlichus who arranged a Yom Tov meal in the Chabad House, and the bachurim enjoyed the home-cooked flavor.”
How do you have the strength for this kind of work?
“In Chanoch L’Naar there is an effort to cultivate the involvement of the wives of staff members. They appreciate their shouldering the burden with their husbands and express this with activities especially for them, emphasizing that we are a driving force in the yeshiva.
“I always attend graduation and see what was achieved. I am moved along with the parents. Then my husband’s endless work is viewed from a different perspective, one that is lofty and uplifting. I am happy that we are shluchim in chinuch!”
Chani says that her partnership with her husband can be in other areas: “Someone might read this and say, ‘This has nothing to do with me. My husband is not in chinuch.’ But the point is that whoever wants it to be good for her and her husband should think about how she can contribute and give, how she can take part in his activities. It can be anything, even a good meal for her husband as a way of expressing admiration for his challenging work.”
40 BACHURIM AT A SHABBOS MEAL
Mrs. Shira Abad is the wife of Rabbi Moshe, a mashpia in the Yeshiva G’dola Chassidei-Chabad Lubavitch in Tzfas:
“Awareness that the yeshiva is the central shlichus of the family is something that is very important. When I know that my husband is on the Rebbe’s shlichus in yeshiva, it turns me and my family into shluchim of the Rebbe. Among everything else that needs to be done, the yeshiva is a top priority.”
How are the children involved?
“On Shabbos and special days, the boys go to yeshiva to daven. They enjoy being in the company of the T’mimim, talking to them, and davening with a chayus. We hold farbrengens in our home and the children are the main organizers. Once in a while we bring my husband’s entire class, about 40 boys, for a Shabbos meal.”
According to Shira, it’s a sure investment. As proof she quotes what the Rebbe said to R’ Nissan Nemanov in a letter, about how investing in talmidim is a channel for increased blessing in general and personal matters for him and his entire household, especially for Jewish/Chassidishe nachas.
What gives you nachas?
“It’s when bachurim who are mekuravim or not Lubavitchers come as guests or visit the yeshiva. We host them in our home for a Shabbos meal. They often decide to stay in yeshiva to learn, establish Chassidishe homes, and later come to visit us with their families. It is real nachas which provides a lot of strength to continue making the investment. We once lived in a building with rest hours when we were not allowed to make noise. We held many farbrengens in our home, and after we left, we met neighbors who said they missed hearing the niggunim.”
TOMECHES T’MIMIM
Mrs. Chaya Springer, is the wife of Rabbi Isser, a teacher in Tomchei T’mimim Lubavitch, the Tzfas Yeshiva K’tana (mesivta). “Supporting those who learn Torah” is how she defines her role.
“When a baby is born, we bless him that he be a Chassid, yerei Shamayim and a lamdan. It’s a shlichus to help bachurim to truly love Gemara. Torah study is literally a life and death issue as the Rebbe says, not just for the souls of the ones learning but of his household.”
At Shabbos meals, when some bachurim are invited, or less frequently, all students of a class together, Chaya does not stint. “The bachurim love home-cooked food and seeing the little children,” she said with a smile.
“I come from a home of shlichus and hosting, and that is where I draw the energy to devote myself and invest as much as I can. I include the children as much as possible. They regularly make dessert; I choose things for the menu that they can make, like coated chocolate balls.
“We host farbrengens occasionally and there is much simcha. This is something with a special yeshiva flavor. Boruch Hashem, we have a house with a yard and the bachurim can go outside and rest a bit and return with renewed strength to the farbrengen. They go on till late at night. Another thing is the shiur in D’var Malchus which is arranged by the bachurim. Sometimes we host the shiur and serve tea and cake in the yard, and fall sleep to the sound of learning in the background.”
The children don’t suffer from lack of attention?
“Nobody is adversely affected by hosting bachurim. It adds chayus and affects the entire house: the niggunim, the atmosphere, hosting – that is how they get used to the idea that the house is open. The children get attention from them. My five and a half year old feels big and Chassidish in the company of the T’mimim.
“Every so often we walk to Shabbos meals at the yeshiva. Sometimes, Meir, my oldest, tells the parsha and everyone listens. He gives out dessert only to those who are seated and they all cheer him on, ‘Meir, Meir!’
“To prepare for the test for yeshiva g’dola at the end of the year, the bachurim came to learn, which lasted nearly all night. I set out refreshments that helped them stay awake. I was moved – our house looked like a zal of a yeshiva.”
When necessary, the Springer family hosts bachurim who are stuck without a place to sleep for all sorts of reasons.
“On the last day of the school year, my husband suddenly heard that a group of boys had not gone home and were left without supper. He called me and said they would come in twenty minutes, but they hitched a ride and came in three minutes. I quickly took out every last bread and pita from the freezer, smeared them with zaatar and olive oil, cut up a salad and they had a fine meal.
“Bachurim love to prepare salad and food in the kitchen. I try to allow whoever asks, or I ask them for help when I need it. They know how to complement their friends and fargin.
“I once passed the Chabad neighborhood in Tzfas with the children, and some bachurim were sitting outside. My son immediately identified them as former students of my husband and he yelled, ‘Hey, I know you, you’re my father’s students!’ They laughed and shook his hand. That night, one of them called my husband to ask him to learn and talk to him.
“One Shabbos, the entire class came for the meal. It was summertime and we ate outside. The next morning I met an older neighbor of ours. She cried and said that her husband does not feel well and she cried to Hashem on Friday about how would she hear Kiddush when her husband wasn’t functioning. Suddenly, she heard Kiddush from the yard and thanked Hashem for looking out for her.”
TO ENABLE HIM TO DEVOTE HIMSELF
Mrs. Shuli Azaraf, wife of R’ Shlomo, principal at the Machon Ha’Torani-Technology of Yeshivas Chanoch L’Naar in Tzfas:
“For us, it’s not his work but our shlichus and z’chus. We are part of the yeshiva. My part is, first of all, enabling him to devote himself. It’s not simple, because there are weeks when we barely see one another. Sometimes there are weeks with trips to the center of the country and so much to do as the menahel. So it’s important to enable him to do his work happily and with focus. For the menahel, vacation is the most intensive time. There are all of three weeks, of which a week and a half are devoted to preparations for the coming year. This year, my husband devoted this time to traveling for the weekend to the camp they made for bachurim who went to the Rebbeim in the Ukraine. It’s special that he foregoes his vacation and that the family enables him to do so.
“Secondly, it’s important to be a partner with him as much as possible in terms of listening and in sharing deliberations, ideas and decisions. We women have bina yeseira and this always gives another perspective to carrying out the shlichus in the best way possible.”
How do you convey the joy in your shlichus to your children?
“We were in yeshiva for the Shabbos before vacation began. On Sunday there was a graduation party on a grand scale. I went with the older boys. When we returned, my third-grader asked to speak to me privately. He burst into tears. What happened? He said that he noticed on Shabbos and at the party that there was a bachur who looked like he had financial and social problems and he asked me what we could do to help him.
“Like everything in life, we parents give our children perspective on things. When a mother goes out on mivtzaim with the feeling that it’s hard for her to go and it bothers her to leave the children and she’s resentful, the message conveyed to the children is that mivtzaim are a burden. When a mother goes out on mivtzaim happily and she includes the children, the message she conveys is that they are part of the shlichus, they help and enable her to do what the Rebbe wants and it’s an enormous z’chus for all.”
Although Shuli’s extended family will be with her parents for Rosh HaShana, she will spend Yom Tov in yeshiva as she does every year.
“It’s not easy,” she admits. “At home, we talk about how the privilege of shlichus on Yom Tov is so important and we do everything so that the children will have a positive atmosphere and experience. We bake things together for the bachurim and bring games for the younger children. We buy them nosh and the bachurim also give the children treats.”
It’s important to the Azaraf family that it’s good for the bachurim. “When it’s good for a bachur in yeshiva, physically, he is available to absorb ruchnius. We host farbrengens and a big Purim seuda. We make it as good as we can with the most expensive, beautiful disposable plates, a nicely set table, expensive beverages – all to make it feel respectable and positive.
“Boruch Hashem, they made renovations in yeshiva. Although I’m a mechaneches and mother, I took the time to pick curtains and the nicest ceramic tiles for the bachurim. When we spend Shabbos in yeshiva, I try to make rolls at home and dessert so that the bachurim have a homey atmosphere.
“It’s a big z’chus. I would like to point out that we have the good fortune to have an amazing staff of devoted rabbis, and their wives are true women of valor who are full partners with real devotion.”
THE WIFE IS EVERYTHING
“The Rebbe says that the Akeres HaBayis is the mainstay of the home, and we know that the wife is everything. So, we brought into the yeshiva the idea that when the wife feels that the work is important and that she is a partner, then she is more understanding and allows the husband to devote himself.
“That is why there is an emphasis on showing appreciation for the wives of the staff. For instance, once a year, at the conclusion of a long weekend Shabbaton from Thursday through Sunday, the families receive a pizza home delivery as a sign of appreciation. At the end of each school year, each of the wives receives a flower arrangement delivered to the house with a note of appreciation for their devotion and commitment. Additionally, the yeshiva invested in carefully designed aesthetic and comfortable accommodations for the families who come to spend Shabbos or Yom Tov in the yeshiva, in the belief that if it is good for the wife and she can manage comfortably with the children, she will allow the husband to be fully involved in his work.”
The husband is fully involved, but what about the burdens that fall on your shoulders from every direction?
“In order to successfully navigate our busy lives, every Motzaei Shabbos my husband and I sit down to draw up a weekly schedule, focusing entirely on the coming week without considering the foreseeable stresses that will come up later. We plan the block of time in order to manage it properly and to see what areas need additional help.”
When do you actually feel that it is all worth it?
“At the Purim seuda, when older boys who have already graduated the yeshiva come to visit, it moves me to think that they chose to have the holiday meal with us in a Chassidic yeshiva atmosphere.
“On Rosh HaShana, when the thought of my sisters and their families enjoying the holiday in our parents’ home sneaks its way into my mind, I stand at the entrance of the zal and watch the boys sitting and trying to cover more chapters of T’hillim with sincerity and that moves me to no end.
“What return on investment do we get? Simply, the opportunity to fulfill the will of the Rebbe.
“In conclusion, here is a special story that always stays with me. Someone once asked the Rebbetzin what was the most outstanding moment of her life. They thought that she would probably answer when she met the Rebbe for the first time or when she actually married him, and the like. However, she answered, ‘This moment.’ That is the secret to success, and everything can be fully actualized if a person succeeds in living the moment to the fullest, to enjoy it and get the most good out of it. May we merit giving the Rebbe nachas!”