Another lecture about chinuch from R’ Nachman Twersky
In my teaching career, I got to know an outstanding student who was from an impoverished home. The hanhala raised the tuition and after the father was unable to pay the asked for sum, the hanhala gashmis decided not to let the student back.
I heard about this and approached one of the members of the hanhala and said: You should know that this bachur is unusual. You should really pay him so that he stays and learns here. He is a super diligent bachur who learned the entire masechta on his own. He is a bachur who helps and encourages his friends who have a hard time with their learning. A bachur like this is an asset to the yeshiva. You should not be asking for money from him but should be paying him.
Boruch Hashem, the hanhala accepted my recommendation and the bachur continued learning in the yeshiva and did very well, giving nachas to his parents and teachers.
A year later, during a weekly shiur in Ohr HaChayim HaKadosh, with bachurim who learned with me in the past, this bachur asked to speak to me privately after the shiur. Confused and distraught he said: I don’t know what has come over me lately. I’ve lost all pleasure in Judaism. I learn but it’s not the same. I daven but I don’t feel that I am connecting to Hashem. I feel disconnected from everything holy to the point that I am ready to do the worst and I have no idea where this is all coming from.
This bachur had a specific concern. He knew what the Alter Rebbe says in the laws of the morning brachos – why does a convert say the blessing thanking G-d for not making him a gentile, when he was, in fact, born a gentile? The Alter Rebbe explains that according to the kabbalists the reason we need to thank Hashem every single day is because the thanking includes not having been transplanted with the soul of a gentile while sleeping. This is why a convert also says this bracha. And here he felt he had lost all pleasure in keeping Torah and mitzvos and maybe…?
CHINUCH POWERED BY HASHEM
I said to him: My dear Tamim, you are going through what many go through, what we call a crisis. It is a natural process and don’t worry too much about it.
We sat down to learn a piece from the Ohr HaChayim HaKadosh together. In his explanation, he extols the power of chinuch for the long term, as the verse says, “educate a lad according to his way…”
This is what the Ohr HaChayim says on the verse in Parshas Acharei, “Hashem said to Moshe, saying, speak to the Jewish people and tell them, I am Hashem your G-d, you must not do as they do in Egypt, where you used to live, and you must not do as they do in the land of Canaan, where I am bringing you. Do not follow their practices, I am Hashem your G-d.”
The Ohr HaChayim asks: 1) What is the significance of the first time it says “I am Hashem your G-d” in the verse? 2) What is meant by “in Egypt, where you used to live” – are there several lands of Egypt that the pasuk needs to specify the one “where you used to live?” 3) “The land of Canaan, where I am bringing you” – is there more than one land of Canaan that the verse needs to specify which one? 4) Why does the verse repeat, “I am Hashem your G-d?”
The Ohr HaChayim explains: A person might say to Hashem, if You want me to be careful in matters of holiness and avoiding immorality, you should bring me to a place that is sheltered, where I won’t see the impurities of the world. If You are going to bring me into all the filth of the world, to the land of Egypt and then to the land of Canaan, where all the filth of the world flows, how can I behave as I should?
The answer is: Under natural circumstances, it’s true, you cannot withstand the forces of impurity. The only thing that gives man the strength to handle these tests is the strength Hashem gives him. Since this is not within man’s ability, Chazal say, “If Hashem did not help him, he would not be able to withstand it [the evil inclination].”
So the first “I am Hashem your G-d” is meant to convey, I am your strength. Your power to overcome the inclination comes from Me. The verse then goes on to say not to do as they do in Egypt, where you lived – I know you were in Egypt because I put you there, and I am the one who is bringing you to the land of Canaan, and still, do not do as they do in Canaan – you will be able to stand strong there too. But these are not your own powers, for “I am Hashem your G-d.” It will work out for you thanks to the special power I bestow upon you.
After learning this together, I said to the bachur: You are experiencing nefilas ha’mochin [lit. a falling of the intellect] and you are not the only bachur to experience this.
As soon as he heard that, he was reassured that he was normal. What strength did he have to make it through this crisis? I am Hashem your G-d!
As we continued talking, we discussed how a Jew, with a neshama which is a part of G-d above, has the ability to connect with the essence of G-d. The bachur listened and by the next day, the crisis was over. I was able to see, once again, the power of a deep rooted chinuch, “even when he grows old, he will not veer from it.”
SAY SOMETHING NICE
I don’t want to pat ourselves on the back, but our chinuch, the Chassidishe chinuch which the Rebbe implanted in us, is a power that nobody else has. The positive roots are implanted within each person and only needs to be revealed. As the Rebbe writes many times: the job of parents is to reveal the Jew within their children, the preciousness of the Jew, “and you will be for Me a kingdom of priests and a holy nation.” It’s not enough for it to reside in the heart; it needs to be brought out into the open.
I was once sitting at a Tanya shiur with some Litvishe men and in the open atmosphere I said: I have pity on you… You work hard all your lives for the Gan Eden you will have in the next world, while now you are constantly in the corridor that leads there. You will get there and be disappointed, for all the pleasure is here, in this world. Hashem did not create the world for Gan Eden, but so that a Jew will fulfill Torah and mitzvos as a soul in a body and that is the most important thing; that is the point, that a Jew fulfill Torah and mitzvos and be one with Hashem, “who sanctified us with His mitzvos and commanded us.”
The true nature of a Jew is such that he takes pleasure in doing mitzvos in this world and that is more precious than all of Gan Eden. When we instill Jewish-Chassidic pride in our children, they will never experience a true crisis. Even if the revealed powers trip up, the essence does not.
How do we reveal this within our children? By doing simple things. When we walk down the street and see bachurim, we need to know that they are treasures. Consequently, we should try to say a good word to each of them; it makes no difference who they are. Say a hearty “good morning.” You can never know what you accomplished with that fellow on the street when you said good morning to him.
I once went to a simcha in California and met a former talmid. We kissed and hugged as Chassidim do and spoke as close friends. Some time later, I met his father who said to me: You don’t know what you did for my son. After you finished talking to him, he immediately called me and excitedly reported, “Rabbi Twersky was so happy to meet me!”
THE DROPOUTS WANT TO COME BACK
We don’t always appreciate the preciousness of our children. Some did not withstand the test, but even they want to return. And here is the most fundamental thing, even those children who stumbled love the Rebbe and love Chassidus, which is why it is so easy to be mekarev them. True they have tripped up and it’s hard for them, but they want to come back. We don’t realize how easy it is to be mekarev them.
I once met a bachur from Crown Heights, not someone I taught, who dropped out of yeshiva at age 16-17. He was hardly to be seen in the neighborhood. One time, I met him in his car and I asked him whether he could give me a ride to Boro Park. He said yes, and this was an opportunity to talk to him. As we drove I asked him: Are you still angry at anyone? He said no. I asked: What do you think about a shidduch? I said it made no difference who he married, but any girl, even someone irreligious, admires a bachur who goes to shul on Shabbos.
I asked him: What about t’fillin in the morning?
He said: I’ll tell you the truth. I tried a few times to start putting them on again but I couldn’t stick it out.
I said: When the Rebbe announced the learning Rambam program, he said there were three tracks: three chapters a day, one chapter, and Seifer HaMitzvos. In Shulchan Aruch, in the laws of prayer, there are three tracks: the usual way that goes from the beginning to the end of the davening, an expedited version for someone very rushed in which he says Boruch Sh’Omar, Ashrei, Yishtabach, Shma and Shmoneh Esrei, and then there is just saying Shma.
If you have the time, daven the entire davening from beginning to end. If you don’t have the time, daven the second option which is fine according to Shulchan Aruch and you will still be considered a fine Jew.
A few days later, I saw him in 770 and he said to me: I have time today and I will daven the whole thing.
This was after several years in which he hardly davened at all. Slowly he came back. He married and comes nearly every day to daven. Now, every once in a while, both he and she move forward. They decided to keep the laws of family purity and then to cover her hair; it was all in self-motivated stages. They saw that it’s something precious, and it provides health, good children, and that is what influenced their choices.
TO IDENTIFY WITH CHALLENGES
I once walked into a Crown Heights restaurant and met a bachur who works there. We got into a conversation in the course of which he told me: I became interested in Judaism without anybody being mekarev me. I got up every morning feeling blah and didn’t feel good about myself and the entire day followed the same pattern. I thought about how religious people get up in the morning and put on t’fillin and I decided to do the same, thinking this might put me in a better mood. I did it and really started feeling better. I bought a pair of t’fillin and started putting them on every day. I pray as much as I can. I learned that just as I nourish my body, I also have to feed my soul.
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Sometimes I meet people who are feeling down and the first thing I say to them is “good morning” and talk to them about their gashmius: I hope you are successful in everything and make money. Do you know what will help you succeed in life, in gashmius? Put on t’fillin and say Shma! You provide nourishment for your soul and that will enable you to enjoy the gashmius.
There was someone to whom I said this and he did it. He met me two months later and said: After two months of putting on t’fillin, I thought, maybe it’s not necessary and the week that I did not put them on, I lost my job! You are right. You have to feed the soul; otherwise it doesn’t work. I started putting on t’fillin again and found a better job. Today, boruch Hashem, he puts on t’fillin and wears tzitzis.
You have to address the neshama and the pocket and identify with a person’s challenges and create a connection of love and affection.
A rich man once went to Berditchev to spend Shabbos with R’ Levi Yitzchok. That Shabbos, the tzaddik changed his usual way of eating, and with every bite he ate he said “lichvod Shabbos kodesh” with great enjoyment. The rich man noticed this and thought: I have three kinds of fish every day and he eats one small piece of fish with such relish that I wish I had such pleasure from material things as he does. I have houses and ships and don’t have the pleasure the tzaddik has.
After Shabbos, the rich man decided he had to know how to achieve this kind of pleasure in material things, which is precisely what the tzaddik wanted to convey to him. On Motzaei Shabbos, the man said to the tzaddik: Rebbe, I have a problem. I have all the good things of this world and yet I don’t have the pleasure that you have when you eat the Shabbos foods.
The tzaddik said: A Jew has a problem. He has a G-dly soul and an animal soul, an evil inclination and a good inclination. When you sit and learn, the evil inclination tries to get you not to learn with all kinds of thoughts that appear in your mind. When you go to eat, the good inclination comes and says: Did you come into the world for this? And so too, with everything you want to do, in gashmius and ruchnius, either the evil inclination or the good inclination comes along to disturb you.
What is the solution? You need to get them to work in tandem! This means that throughout the week I do not eat with pleasure, since the job is avodas ha’birurim, but on Shabbos it’s a mitzva to eat and then the neshama and body work together. This is a joint pleasure for both the neshama and the body.
But you are rich, so how can you have pleasure? By taking the poor into your home and giving tz’daka; this will give you pleasure. A Jew cannot have pleasure if he does not nourish his soul.
Everyone knows, especially those who learned in Chabad schools, that if he does not give his neshama what it needs, he will not be able to enjoy this world. The Alter Rebbe took Olam HaZeh from us. Those who touched and tasted from the Tree of Life that is Chassidus will be able to enjoy this world only through doing Torah and mitzvos.
BEING HOPEFUL
R’ Pinchas Koretz, one of the disciples of the Baal Shem Tov, was named for his grandfather. In the grandfather R’ Pinchas’ town there was a group of meshumadim (apostates). R’ Pinchas would go to them every day and say Shma with them and he would promise them that they would merit the World to Come.
One of the problems of a meshumad is that he is convinced he is a lost cause and is no longer a Jew. That is the worst feeling, that he feels disconnected. When R’ Pinchas promised them that they are b’nei Olam Ha’ba, unconditionally, and just had to say Shma, they were happy to say the verse. They all ended up doing t’shuva and became good Jews.
The worst thing is to give up hope and say, I’m a lost cause. When you tell someone like that how he is a precious Jew, a ben Olam Ha’ba, it reassures him and shows him that he is not hopeless.
So when you meet any Jew, no matter who, you need to be warm and give him the feeling that he matters, for every Jew is precious, whether he sinned or even if he did not go off the derech…
The Rebbe teaches us to act with love, brotherly love and friendship. Love between parents and children, love between friends and acquaintances. Love between every single Jew. Then we actualize the Rebbe’s approach to chinuch and see the results in the fullest sense, and we merit all the blessings from Hashem in material plenty and in nachas from our dear children.