There are two getting ready for the Geula, the chitzon and the p’nimi. Both want Moshiach to come already. What is the difference between them? How can a chitzon become a p’nimi when, if he has such an ambition, that too is driven by external factors?
AM I ALIVE BECAUSE I HAVE TO BE OR BECAUSE I WANT TO BE?
Often, without paying attention, we get used to doing things because we have to, because we will gain in some way, because people are looking at us, because we enjoy it, because we need to protect our image, etc. All these are external reasons, not real reasons (try just once to spend an entire day without looking around, without checking to see what people are thinking of you, without checking your standing relative to others).
A chitzon is someone who lives and does mitzvos because he has to. The truth of the matter isn’t important to him, just the result or because it is important to him what people say about him. Even when he wants the Geula, it’s not a genuine want; it’s because he knows he is supposed to or because he has already gotten used to asking for the Geula.
A p’nimi is genuine and is fully “there” in what he does. When he does something, he does it till the end because of the truth of the matter and because this is the way it’s supposed to be, and not because of some side or external reason. To a p’nimi, the preparation for something important is no less important than the thing itself. He does not treat the preparation as a means to an end. He knows that the preparation itself is a goal.
Take t’filla for example. The p’nimi treats t’filla as a special time in which he can pause from the daily hustle and bustle and connect to Hashem. Since this is a special opportunity, he needs to prepare for it properly because you can’t just abruptly start praying. You can’t just walk into shul and start talking to Hashem. You need to make the requisite preparations.
Before davening you learn Chassidus in order to connect to and recognize somewhat “the One who spoke and the world came to be.” The way a chitzon looks at it, you learn Chassidus in order to daven, but to a p’nimi the preparation is also a goal. The preparation is important in and of itself and the preparation also needs to be done in a p’nimius’dike way. When a p’nimi learns Chassidus before davening in order to be ready to daven, he treats the learning as a goal in itself and while learning he is immersed in it and not thinking about davening.
The davening is also a preparation for the next stage. After davening, when sitting down to learn Torah, in order for the learning to be with bittul, in order for the learning to be permeated with the knowledge that the Torah is G-d’s Torah and not human intellect, G-d forbid, we daven first. Then we remember that everything is G-dliness and G-dliness is everything.
The davening and learning are preparations for going out into the world, starting with breakfast and then dealing with matters of the world. These things need to be approached properly so that we succeed in sifting out the sparks that are hidden within the physical world.
And so on, each stage is a preparation for the next stage. With a chitzon’s outlook, a person is constantly involved in the next stage because he is always involved in preparing for it. When he learns Chassidus he thinks about davening and when he davens he thinks about what he needs to do that day, and so on. He is never “here.” He does not experience the present moment; he is always somewhere else.
The p’nimi’s outlook is different. When a person learns Chassidus in the morning, he is fully there! When he davens, he is fully there! Even when he’s out in the world, he is fully involved in what he needs to do, namely, reveal the G-dliness and sift out the sparks wherever he goes.
HOW DO YOU START BECOMING A P’NIMI?
We have gotten used to living a life of chitzonius. How do we make the change to a life of p’nimius? It’s really not easy because if a person who is a chitzon tries to become a p’nimi, he is doing so with chitzonius. He is trying to be a p’nimi because of an external reason (that they will say he is a p’nimi); it’s not coming from a genuine place. So what’s the right approach?
There is no choice but to jump into the water, to skip ahead, not just to move upward in an orderly way from one rung to the next, but to jump. To realize that “emes” can only be found in p’nimius, when we internalize that whatever we are involved in is our task right now and devote ourselves to it. Once we get that a p’nimi is another entity, we will understand that we have to make a leap, not a gradual one but a jump. And between one yesh and another there is an ayin in between.
The seed needs to rot before it starts to grow. A person needs to be nullified out of his current state in order to move to another reality. When we realize that we cannot remain chitzonim and that we have to make an essential change (and not a gradual one), we will take that plunge. The moment of jumping is the hardest, but the second afterward is much easier.
Of course, a person does not change in a second and he certainly doesn’t turn into a p’nimi in a second, and after the initial jump we still have a lot of work to do and it is possible that even after the initial jump we might have to do it all over again each day.
Practically speaking, it’s a good idea to pick one area in which we want to be more genuine and start working on it, a few minutes a day, and then add a few minutes of being a p’nimi each time.
WAITING FOR THE GEULA
Am I waiting for the Geula because we’re supposed to wait for the Geula or because I really want the Geula?
With the chitzonius approach, we are waiting for the Geula because of a side reason; we are waiting because we were taught to do so, or because we want an end to tzaros and to the deficit in our bank account, and we want to enjoy the material abundance that we were promised. With the p’nimius approach, the looking forward to Geula is completely different. The true and complete Geula, as it says, is about truth and completeness.
In the Geula, everything will be done with truth and p’nimius, not because we have to or because of what people will say about us. We will keep mitzvos in truth because that is the only way to connect to G-d, because this is the truth and this is what we desire. Our davening will be complete; our Torah study and our daily lives, every aspect thereof, all will be done in truth because it is the truth.
The preparation for Geula is the same way, it’s not in order to flee from galus. The preparation for Geula is in a way that we start to live Geula even now, in the final moments of galus. We accomplish this by doing everything in a p’nimius’dike way, completely, our learning, davening, and so on.
This was the Rebbe’s complaint in his sicha of Chaf-Ches Nissan 5751 that even when you cry out “ad masai,” it’s because you were told to. If you cried out in truth then surely Moshiach would have come already. What more can I do so that all the Jewish people make a commotion and cry out in truth and take action to actually bring Moshiach?
The Rebbe wants the crying out not to be because we were told, out of habit, but because the cry is genuine, and the Rebbe emphasizes this twice in the same sentence. To ask for the Geula – which is part of the command – is only step one, while step two involves starting to live Geula in order to hasten it.
In other words, someone who truly looks forward to the Geula, does not suffice with what will happen in the future (that’s only stage one), but needs to start living Geula now, in a way of shleimus in day to day life. Being immersed in what he’s doing without looking around. And this is what is important, to be in the here and now in everything we do. That is one’s personal Geula and from there we proceed straight to the true and complete Geula.