CHASIDRAMA

From a child who grew up feeling a lack of self worth, whose life was run by the dictates of others, Ronen Gridish turned his life around. He started “Chasidrama,” a drama program for kids who find it hard to express their emotions. He knows how they feel and he knows how to help them. 

Chaim (a pseudonym) is only nine, but he bears a heavy emotional load on his shoulders. As far back as he can remember, he remembers the scorn his family heaped on him. His father said that every family has its black sheep and out of all his children, Chaim is the schlimazel. That is just one example. No wonder that Chaim stopped believing in himself and his abilities and withdrew to the point that he didn’t dare open his mouth.

He would show up to school on time but schoolwork was the last thing on his mind. He waited for the afternoon at which time the nightmare called school would be over. He didn’t even try to pay attention. His attitude toward his teachers was something like: I won’t bother you and you don’t bother me, a sort of ceasefire.

Years went by in this way. Teachers in the lower grades would describe him as having unrealized talent and wasted potential. His report card said: A particularly weak child. Another one said: A child at risk, sad and afraid of his own shadow. His parents tried; he met with professionals and diagnosticians. Some said he needed therapy. Some went back to his mother’s difficult experience of his birth as an explanation for his behavior. None of them saw the child. They all spoke of deterioration, and a pedagogical committee even recommended switching him to special education.

Then, when it all seemed like a big, black hole, light appeared from an unexpected place. His parents registered him for Chasidrama under the direction of Ronen Gridish, so Chaim would have something to do in the afternoon. Nobody dared hope he would actually achieve anything. The goal was for Chaim not to sit at home alone while his parents were at work.

“Success with Chaim didn’t happen instantaneously, and I am sure much more work is needed, but we began the process,” said Ronen. “We took a child whose inner light was extinguished. When he was asked to stand, he stood; to sit, he sat. Nothing more.”

Ronen remembers the first lessons in which Chaim barely spoke. “He was in an inner turmoil. I had a life like that and I felt what he was going through. His soul cried out wordlessly. It was only in the seventh or eighth lesson that he began to open up. I identified his strong points and built them up. For our final project, a movie we produced in collaboration with Nitzotzot shel K’dusha – Sparks of Holiness, led by Yigal Hoshiar, Chaim took a significant part and everyone complimented him on his acting abilities. The production team was amazed by the talent of this young boy.”

In the past two years, dozens of other boys have passed through Ronen’s Chasidrama program.

“Each and everyone made progress,” he says confidently. “Some more and some less, but for the first time, it allowed the children to express themselves, to speak about their feelings, to develop awareness. Failure won’t break them; on the contrary, it will galvanize them for the future, and the most important thing is that we believe in them.

“I had a difficult, frustrating life, because in my childhood they didn’t believe in me. I do what I can so that children won’t go through the same thing.”

A DIFFICULT CHILDHOOD

Ronen is from a traditional family from Lud. The great-grandfather was a mekubal from Tripoli, Rabbi Sholom Tayar.

“My family had tremendous respect for tradition and religiously observed the Jewish holidays, but it was all done in a ritualistic way. After Kiddush, the television was turned on and we even used a car. There was no depth. We kids kept even less, not even the ceremonies and rituals. From a young age I developed an antipathy towards, and even a hatred of, tradition.”

The hardest thing Ronen had to deal with as a child was his great love for acting. His father insisted that he study a practical field.

“My father, who was educated a certain way, found it hard to understand me. I felt that I had no way of actualizing my true desires. In the culture in which we were educated, I had to walk the path my parents laid forth for me. This caused a growing frustration which I did not know how to express.

“From a young age I was a popular member of the Scouts. I played the trumpet for thirteen years and performed on various stages in Eretz Yisroel and the world over, but I got no recognition for this from my father, and I missed it. My teachers could not understand how such a talented and successful boy had a hard time as a student. Today, they assign labels to such situations, there is greater awareness. But back then I yearned for unconditional love and warmth from my parents. The love I received was conditional. I was given orders and listening, caring and empathy were lacking.

“I wanted to actualize my talents and they didn’t let me. As a child, nobody explained to me what I was feeling and why I felt that way. A few days ago, my daughter said to me about a certain thing, ‘Abba, I don’t like this.’ I was so moved because she was able to express what I, as a child, could not. Whatever I did, I did because I had to. No credence was given to feelings. Every morning, I went to school with the feeling that I was going to a place I did not like, which I even hated. I waited for freedom with the ringing of the bell when I could finally leave school.

“When I got a bit older, I counted the days and hours until I’d become draft age when I would be independent and able to break away from all prior expectations. I had a lot of anger in me and lacked peace of mind. Even when I performed on my trumpet and people complimented me, I didn’t believe them. I thought they were liars and were only saying what they did to please me. I felt like a puppet on strings.”

When Ronen was finally old enough for the army, he wanted to go as far away as possible and enlisted in the navy.

“I went through a training course to be a trainer in the field of small combat operations and ended up training small combat teams of naval commandos. Anyone who observed me must have been sure that I was a happy person, full of confidence and self-awareness, but that was so far from the truth. I smiled and joked around, but inside I felt like half a man. When I meet cynics today, I know why they are that way. They have not made peace with their lives and that is the feeling I walked around with at that time.

“Towards the end of my military service, the “Shayetet Disaster” of 1997 occurred, or, as it is referred to in the military, the “Ansariya Disaster.” Navy commandos, whom I knew well, members of the unit that I trained, went deep into Lebanon one night and twelve of them were killed. I grieved for a long time and this led me to start thinking of the true value of life. I left the army feeling confused and I tried to find my way. I lost my discharge bonus in a failed business venture that left me deep in debt. Money wasn’t coming easily. I began studying computers.

“It was a time of deep and ongoing searching. I did so many things, skipping from subject to subject, but I felt that nothing was providing me with true satisfaction. Although I got good marks and they predicted great things of me in this field, I decided to drop computers. I found work at the airport.

“One day, I got a phone call at work from my sister who said our mother had been involved in a bad accident and had broken her leg. I dropped everything and went home. That is when I saw how seriously she had been injured. It wasn’t merely a broken leg. A car driven by an eighty year old man was traveling against the traffic and plowed right into her. She suffered injuries all over her body. At the hospital they bandaged her and said they were only superficial injuries.

“This was the night before Pesach. We insisted that she not exert herself in the kitchen as she always did. We spent Pesach night with one of the uncles where she sat down and lost consciousness. It all took place in front of my eyes. When the medics arrived at the house, all they could do was declare her dead. A blood clot had gone from her leg and blocked her lungs. It is only today that I appreciate the full intensity of the grief, but at that time, I didn’t allow myself to break. Why? Because that is the life I lived at that time. It was a life devoid of true happiness.”

A SEARCH

Ronen chose to go as far as he could. His destination was Australia where he spent a year with some friends. They worked at jobs here and there to support themselves and spent their free time on the beach.

“One day, some of us decided to go on a trip to the northernmost point of the continent. I was asked to drive the jeep throughout the trip. I agreed, and we set out. I don’t know why, but the entire time I felt an inner tension as though something bad was about to happen. I tried to dismiss these feelings but they only grew.

“We spent days hiking through dense jungles, magnificent places. I remember standing facing these gorgeous sights and thinking: What now? I’ve conquered the northernmost point and now I’ll go back to work. Was that the purpose? It doesn’t make sense that a person comes to this world just to spend his life enjoying himself. That seemed too prosaic to me, unintelligent, simplistic. I was in an emotional turmoil, but nobody could tell what was going on inside me. Outwardly, I seemed calm. We laughed and had a good time until the volcano exploded.

“One night, I left the tent that we had set up at a rest stop and I felt that I had no air to breathe. I looked in the mirror and saw that I was pale. My heart raced and my mouth was completely dry. It was a frightening feeling, as though I was going to die. I rushed off to a hospital but the doctors didn’t find anything. When I returned from our trip, I went to other doctors and everything checked out fine. That is, until they examined my stomach where they discovered the Helicobacter Pylori bacterium, which only produces symptoms when a person is under stress and fear. These symptoms can cause a person to experience extreme disorienting nausea and stomach pains and to feel like his entire circulatory system is a mess.

“After a short while I decided to return home, to Eretz Yisroel. I was committed to not abandoning the search for meaning; I was abandoning material comforts in favor of my spiritual search. I did not accept an offer to manage a hotel and make good money.

“I arrived home and my father, seeing how I looked, was frightened. He took me to a top doctor who said what the other doctors in Australia had said, that all was fine. I remember my father telling the doctor to just do something so that I could function like a human being. I listened to this and thought, he has no idea what I’m going through.

“I avidly read books on psychology and philosophy with exercises for inner work. I began thinking positively and doing what I enjoyed and not what I was told to do. Slowly, I got back to myself.

“As a result of this inner work, I realized that my biggest problem was that I was disconnected from myself. I resolved to fulfill all my childhood dreams. That is how I came to enroll in a psychodrama course. In order to pay for it, I worked for an exclusive real estate agency. I finished one drama course and signed up for another. I loved what I was learning and it felt liberating. All the klipos that covered me since I was a boy, everything I had kept inside for years, I was able to get out and be cleansed.”

Ronen felt like a new man and that is why he was open to hearing about Torah and mitzvos.

“I became a more open, receptive, and understanding person.”

Through his job, he met a religious man by the name of Matisyahu Cohen. It was Cohen who got him on track. At first, Ronen was wary, but he quickly got into things as he felt that Judaism was not a religion full of oppressive rules but had so much beauty and joy. There is a Creator of the world and Someone who is directing things; things don’t happen on their own.

“I began thinking about how to market the Creator. I went to R’ Chonon Kochonovsky’s Chabad house in Rishon L’Tziyon where I met R’ Moshe Gruzman. The only thing I knew at that point about Chabad and the Rebbe was that during the Gulf War, the Rebbe reassured the Jewish people that nothing bad would happen, and he was right. I soon became a regular guest at the Chabad house. I learned and heard more about the Rebbe.

“I was blown away by the first Tanya shiur that R’ Gruzman gave. Those were insights that I had no idea existed in Torah. Two souls, a G-dly one and an animalistic one. This was all news to me. I remember going home after a shiur and my heart overflowed with emotion. I felt that this was just what I had been looking for.

“I eventually learned sichos and maamarim of the Rebbe and realized that these weren’t just teachings from many years ago, but that there was someone now, a Nasi, a king, who leads the Jewish people.

“I finished an important project at work and took time off in order to learn more. R’ Kochonovsky, who saw that I was really devoting myself to Yiddishkait, suggested that I check out the Chabad yeshiva in Ramat Aviv. At first, I wasn’t sure about the time commitment, but once I got there, I was hooked.”

TOUCHING SOULS

After he got married, Ronen threw his energy into various projects. He did not think of turning what had helped him into a program that could help others.

“Drama helped me neutralize the lack of trust, self-worth and self-confidence that I walked around with. I met more and more kids who were in the same place I had been. I felt that I could not allow them to grow up in a world without confidence. The problem these children were experiencing was the same one I had experienced – that of not being able to express themselves very well. It hurt me to see sad, frustrated children, disconnected from themselves and definitely from their environment; those who weren’t using their abilities and talents because the educational and familial structure didn’t consider allowing them to.”

Ronen decided that he had to create a program that would provide these boys with a way of expressing their feelings and revealing deeper layers of their soul. That is how Chasidrama came to be.

“These children need total love and inclusiveness; a place that will accept them as they are, with their weaknesses and deficiencies. Only love like this can foster growth. What is special about drama is that through doing the work, you understand what you are really capable of. The process in drama is no less important than the final results.

“Today, in education, they talk about achievement, but not about the process that gets you there. The Gemara says, just as their faces are different, so are their views dissimilar. I add to that by saying that their characters and abilities are different too. Every class is comprised of many types and degrees of intelligence, each different from the next. It is not necessarily the case that a child who is not good in one subject won’t be good in another subject. Children with attention deficits get frustrated because the environment is not inclusive of them, although many of them have high intelligence and incredible abilities and talents. You have to give them a chance.

“The process is no less important than the results. It’s like giving notes to a musician and having him play, without understanding what the music is about. Hashem gave us talents and our mission is to use them. The principle behind our work is to give kids the tools with which they can do the work with themselves, and help others do the work without masks and without barriers. Many of these children, due to past failures, cover themselves with many masks and many layers and we, in our program, remove them and allow them to succeed without fear of failure.”

In each drama lesson, they learn many Chassidic concepts and the great success they enjoy proves how necessary this is. As someone [the author of this article] who hosted Chasidrama, I can tell you that this program causes change and leads to positive outcomes with the children.

“We had a boy who was such an introvert; I had never seen anything like it before. He kept his hands in his pockets and his gaze on the floor and spoke very low. To get him to participate in an exercise was like splitting the sea, but I didn’t give up on him. Not only did I let him act, but here and there I made him in charge. He had no choice and he participated in the exercises. At first, he did it like someone forced to do so. Later, he did it more happily while showing ever greater interest. Throughout this time, I noticed that he was checking me out to see whether, when I said I believed in him, I really believed in him, or those were just words. He had stopped believing people. But I really believed in him because I understood him.

“In the end, this boy was the leader of the group. I really enjoy doing this – taking kids like these, who don’t believe in themselves, and showing them how much they are worth. I do it with a lot of warm words and faith, along with firmness. If I don’t give up on him, he won’t give up on himself.”

Ronen has copious examples:

“There was a child in the group who had no confidence at all. At school, the other kids called him the ‘punching bag,’ because they all liked hitting him. I decided to take him on as a project. When I would give him something that required a bit more work on his part, he would say, ‘I can’t, I’m no good. He’s better than me.’ I consistently did not give in. I would challenge him, obviously not with big things, but with things I knew he could do.

“When he insisted that he was not capable, I did not move on to the next child. I would calmly say to him, ‘You’re next in line,’ and wait until he did it. At first, he did things only because he had to, but I persisted in conveying the message that he was capable. After a number of weeks, the message got through to him. He believed me when I said I believed in him. The other kids began to admire his work. He started getting positive feedback. I slowly assigned him bigger roles. Eventually, he began to show signs of eagerness and joy of life. He would be the first one waiting for me, ten minutes before everyone else.

“I drew out the abilities he had, abilities that each one of us has, but we helped him reveal what he had already forgotten. Even when he did something that was not quite perfect, he learned to accept that this was okay and the next time would be better. It brought about a change in every aspect of his life – in class, in shul, and at home. He became a happy child.”

Ronen, who is trained as a personal coach and leads groups of Chasidrama, is developing the exercises and programming into a structured system. He is writing goals according to the teachings of Chassidus and is utilizing his knowledge and experience to develop a structured program.

“What is the world of Tikkun? It’s when children find their place so they don’t feel frustrated and have negative emotions because they are not understood. When the Rebbe is revealed in the true and complete Geula, the world will be rectified. Each of us is a miniature world. In the past, people may have been able to live a lie; today, it’s a different generation, one that despises falsehood.”

A NEW PROJECT

“Chasidrama for Men” is a new group that is forming. Ronen says he did not initiate the idea. “This generation is one of masks that we need to remove. I have a strong inner belief in the avoda a person can do. You do your part and Hashem will do His; sanctify yourself down below and Hashem will sanctify you even more from above. ‘Open for a Me an opening the size of a needle and I will make you an opening the size of a hall.’

“When you fix yourself, you make not only yourself happy but everyone around you. I’ve seen this in my immediate environment when I began learning the D’var Malchus with my father once a week on the telephone.”

UNEXPECTED INTERROGATION

The trip to 770 was a significant step for Ronen on his journey to becoming a Chassid and mekushar.

“When I arrived at 770 for the first time, I thought I would stay for two weeks and then return home. How would I support myself if I didn’t work?

“I ended up staying for another eight months, which led me to choosing a path in life of being battul and mekushar to the Rebbe; squelching my ego and my desire to control my life, and filling myself up with Chassidus and hiskashrus.

“It happened with wondrous Divine Providence. After a busy Friday doing mivtzaim, I returned to Crown Heights where I discovered, to my dismay, that my wallet with all my important documents and $500 had been stolen. At first, I was frantic. What should I do? How would I manage?

“Then I switched my thoughts to what I had been taught and I wondered why this had happened. Hashem had a reason. On Motzaei Shabbos I called all the credit card companies to cancel the cards and I called the insurance company to inform them of the theft.

“I knew that by canceling the credit cards my insurance company would not receive money and would stop insuring my car, so I called to inform them of what had happened so they wouldn’t cancel my insurance. I called my insurance agent and his wife said he wasn’t home.

“Where are you?” she asked.

“In America.”

“Where in America?”

“In New York.”

“But where?”

“I was surprised by this unexpected interrogation, but was polite enough to respond. I said, ‘In Brooklyn, Crown Heights, 770.’ She burst into tears.

“You won’t believe what I’m going to tell you,” she said.

“She said that she had a picture of the Rebbe on the computer and she asked him for a bracha. Her husband, a religious man, had spiritually declined in recent months and was going off the derech. If there was someone who could help her, it was the Rebbe. That’s what she told me.

“I suddenly realized that the theft of my wallet was only so that I could help her. I wrote her request and put it into a volume of Igros Kodesh. The answer I opened to had to do with the importance of having a mashpia. I called my mashpia and he wanted the details about the insurance agent.

“Later on, I found out that at the mashpia’s own initiative, he had arranged to learn Chassidus with the agent. They learned together for a year, week after week, until not only didn’t he deteriorate further, but he became someone who could positively influence others.

“As for me, because of the theft, I was more involved with the bachurim and men in 770 who helped and guided me. I became a participant rather than the observer I had been until then.”