ALL ROADS LEAD TO THE REBBE

The story of a young wife who was taken from her sheltered environment straight into the world of Chabad. * She tells us of her rocky engagement, the crisis during sheva brachos, and the joy in hiskashrus to the Rebbe.

A GOLDEN CHAIN

In the heart of Yerushalayim, in a small but famous neighborhood called Mea Sh’arim, a little baby girl was born. It would seem that the readership of Beis Moshiach would never hear of her, but Hashem had other plans for this baby, the granddaughter of Rabbi Shmuel Yaakov Kahn, the Admur of Toldos Avrohom Yitzchok.

Before we meet her, we need to get acquainted with the environment in which Mrs. Genendi Schneebalg grew up:

“My grandfather is the Admur of Toldos Avrohom Yitzchok and my father is a Satmar Chassid. Satmar of today is different than it used to be, and my father identifies with the segment of the community that remains loyal to the late Reb Yoilish. The significance is that he conducts himself like Satmar of yesteryear and his Rebbe continues to be Reb Yoilish. 

“From four o’clock in the morning, my father sits and learns all day, permeating the house with a Torah atmosphere. My mother instilled us with pride in our father being a ben Torah. In general, my parents are willing to sacrifice a lot for Torah and their example is a guiding light for all their children.

“In Satmar we speak only Yiddish as a matter of principle. I myself did not speak Ivrit until I married. I knew Ivrit but did not like the language, so I just didn’t use it. In Satmar, girls do not look inside a Chumash until they marry, which makes learning the daily Chitas hard for me. The reason for that is to prevent girls from being exposed to certain stories in the Torah. In general, nowhere do girls learn as much as they do in Chabad. Our school schedule was from 8:30 – 1:00 and our curriculum included learning halacha, T’hillim, the wonders of the Creator, and lessons on the Jewish home in the upper grades.

“After school, we help out at home. There was a time that there was a chesed organization which girls volunteered for, but I don’t know if it still exists.

“There is what to admire in the community I grew up in. For one thing, I internalized the value of tznius. And thanks to the fact that in school the emphasis was on learning practical halachos for everyday life such as the laws of Shabbos and brachos, I left with clear halachic knowledge.

“I am the fourth daughter in my family. I became engaged when I was 18 and a half. In Toldos Avrohom Yitzchok people marry even younger, but my father looks for special bachurim. Usually, the grandchildren of Admurim marry only the grandchildren of Admurim. Even within this limited pool of candidates, there are those who are more special and those less so. My father looked for the best for each of us. Everybody checks out a shidduch but my father Checks Them Out. I emphasize this only to show how remarkable the story of our shidduch was.”

MATCH FROM HEAVEN

“My husband, R’ Yisroel Sholom, is a grandson of the Admur of Kretchnif of Rechovot. He began taking an interest in Chabad as a bachur. His father would often take him to the Chabad shul in Rechovot and that is how he became acquainted with this world, unlike myself. Although there is a Chabad shul near my parents’ home, it did not interest me at all. The social network in Mea Sh’arim is very restricted and the only things I knew about Chabad were Lag b’Omer parades and a few other things with not a particularly positive slant. 

“As I said, he knew a bit more and began to become interested. His involvement began in earnest at the time that he learned in Yeshivas Tchebin in Yerushalayim. That is where he began learning Chassidus, to write to the Rebbe, to attend farbrengens, and to become a Chassid in an open way. He even arranged a Tanya shiur for his friends and urged them to write to the Rebbe. All this caused people to start talking about him being a Chabadnik, even though he was just starting out. His rosh yeshiva told my mother-in-law in no uncertain terms that if people asked him about her son, he would say he is a mekurav to Chabad.

“Then four respectable shidduchim offers were made, all of them with granddaughters of famous Admurim. My mother-in-law said that the first one to give a positive response would be the one they pursued. In Chabad, the process is different, but in these circles, the significance of a positive answer on the part of the parents means the shidduch is ready to be finalized. A day and time are picked and the father of the girl meets the prospective groom while, somewhere else, the mother of the bachur meets the prospective bride. This meeting takes about an hour. 

“If the parents are favorably impressed, they all meet in one place and the boy and girl meet for twenty minutes, and then they make a l’chaim. There are exceptions, of course, when the couple meets for an hour or they meet twice, but that is highly unusual. This is probably why the research done in advance is very thorough.

“The three other shidduch prospects heard that the bachur is a Chabadnik and although they agreed to this, which is quite remarkable, they did not rush to conclude the shidduch. My father, on the other hand, spoke with just two people. The information he received from them was very good but they did not reveal to him the young man’s interest in Chabad. On Motzaei Shabbos, he gave a positive answer and we met on Sunday.

“I was 18 and a half and he was 17 and a half. Of course, at our meeting Chabad did not come up at all, and the shidduch was concluded. From the time a shidduch is concluded until the wedding we wait a year. During this period of time, the chassan and kalla do not meet and do not speak to one another.”

ROCKY ENGAGEMENT

“We were engaged in Cheshvan and on 11 Nissan my husband went to the Rebbe. This trip was widely spoken about in the street, for not only was he a Chabadnik, he was a veritable Meshichist! People discussed it on the streets where he lived, but only little drops penetrated our enclave of Mea Sh’arim. At first, my father did not believe what he heard, but as time went on he began to realize that something was amiss. 

“It was two months before the wedding and we were busy with the preparations. I, a young kalla, saw my father pacing restlessly. He did not tell me what happened and why he was so tense, but I had a feeling it had to do with my chassan.

“I remember that I spoke with a friend and told her that I would be very happy if my chassan became a Satmar Chassid, my father’s Chassidus. She snorted and said if he became another type of Chassid he would become a Chabad Chassid. I was shaken up by this.

“I reported this to my father and he dismissed my concerns, saying, ‘The chassan learns a bit of Chassidus, it’s nothing serious and there is no reason to get excited.’ Apparently, since he saw I was apprehensive and knew of my lack of fondness toward Chabad, he decided not to tell me what he had been hearing.

“Still, as a parent, he had to check out the rumors and debunk them. He sent someone to the chassan’s family to ask whether the rumors were true. They said yes, and if we wanted to break the shidduch, they would understand and would not be angry. But breaking the shidduch was problematic. That would make me a second-rate shidduch choice. Aside from that, so many preparations for the wedding had been made and my father did not want to do this to me. 

“He went to all kinds of rabbis and consulted with them. They all told him: With Chabad there is only one door. An entrance. There is no exit. Hope that he only got a little interested.

“My father did not know what to do. On the one hand, a Lubavitcher son-in-law would be embarrassing. But should he make his daughter a second-rate choice and have her sit home until she became old and gray?

“He decided to send someone to the chassan himself. The messenger conveyed to him that the parents of the kalla were willing to go through with the shidduch on condition that he left Chabad. My husband wrote to the Rebbe and the Rebbe’s answer was, ‘the hand of the Chassidim will be uppermost.’ Encouraged by this response, he said he was not willing to drop anything. The shadchan said, ‘Pick, either the kalla or the Rebbe.’ My husband said, ‘I pick the Rebbe.’ 

“Additionally, he asked that it be communicated to the kalla that it would be very hard for him to drop the shidduch at this stage but, if he left the Rebbe, it would be easier for him now but he wouldn’t have a life. So he preferred the present difficulty, knowing that he was choosing life. Life without the Rebbe is not life.

“My father did not know how to relate to this answer. He decided to make some conditions that would keep the shidduch on track if the chassan agreed to them. Some of the conditions were not to go on mivtzaim, not to send his children to Chabad schools, and of course, not to debate me about Chabad. The purpose of these conditions was for outsiders not to know that he is Lubavitch, because my husband continues to wear his traditional clothing.

“My husband responded that he does not make a move without approval from his mashpia, and he provided his mashpia’s number. My father nearly had a heart attack. A mashpia is something unique to Chabad; there is no such thing elsewhere.

“He had to call the mashpia but was very afraid that, from this conversation, he himself would turn into a Chabadnik! I will explain why. My father was a bachur at the time that R’ Wechter of Kiryat Malachi became involved in Chabad. After R’ Wechter left Satmar, they poisoned the Satmar bachurim against Chabad so they would not leave and join Chabad too. They told them that in Chabad they have answers for everything and so it was forbidden to talk to them. This is also why my father was very embarrassed by having a Lubavitcher son-in-law.

“In the meantime, I realized something had happened, but I did not know what, since my parents did not tell me. I could see the tension in the house, my worried father and my mother crying. Whenever I asked what was going on, they told me, ‘Nothing happened, just pray.’ 

“One day, I passed by their bedroom and heard my father say, ‘Yes, after the shidduch they kept saying he is not in yeshiva.’ This line confirmed a suspicion I had for a while, that my chassan had gone off the derech, leaving Judaism. This was two weeks before the wedding. I went to my bed and sobbed.

“In the meantime, the door to my parents’ room opened and my father got ready to go to Mincha while my mother, who had come into my room, saw me crying and asked what happened. I told her I did not want to get married. She said, ‘Don’t say that,’ meaning, don’t talk about things that are the opposite of good. ‘If you tell me what I need to know, I won’t say that which shouldn’t be said,’ I replied.

“My mother quickly called in my father. He stood there and did not want to discuss it. He knew that I was very curious and if he told me that the chassan is Lubavitch, after we married I would start looking into what Chabad is all about. As I said, one of the conditions was for my husband not to get into arguments with me about Chabad, and my husband agreed to that, since the Rebbe himself says not to debate. So my father thought that if I did not know, I wouldn’t discuss it since there would be no reason to discuss such a remote topic, and life would be normal and fine. All he wanted was to wrap me, so to say, in a soft, sweet cover so that the new home would not become embroiled in quarrels. 

“But there he stood facing me and I demanded to know what was going on. He asked for two days to think it over and I said, ‘You are not going out to Mincha before you tell me.’ He thought for a moment and then said, ‘He is a Chabadnik.’ I let out a sigh of relief and said, ‘That’s all? As far as I’m concerned, he can be a Breslover Chassid too, the main thing is that he’s a Yid.’

“‘No, you don’t understand,’ said my mother. ‘He really belongs to Chabad.’ I did not understand the difference and my parents were not eager to explain. My mother said that Chabad puts t’fillin on with people in the street, may Hashem protect us. That sounded fine to me. It was so far from whatever I had conjured up in my imagination. My father warned me not to start acting like him under any circumstances, and our conversation ended.”

THE PRAYER OF MY LIFE

“A different time, my father told me that in shidduchim, with the first child a person thinks, I’m making the shidduch and Hashem helps. With the second child, a person thinks, Hashem and I do it together. With the third child, a person thinks, Hashem does it and I help. When you get to the fourth child, it’s clear that Hashem does it all. I am the fourth child … My father looked at the whole thing in a positive light and said, ‘This was simply your shidduch and from heaven they did not let me do anything, not even to make inquiries properly. This is divine providence at its best.’

“The wedding was very joyous and then we began real life together. On the third day of sheva brachos, my husband quoted the Rebbe several times. Each time he did so, I quickly switched the subject because that is what I had been told to do. But then my husband said that in Chassidus it explains how important a woman is, for she is the mainstay of the home and must be highly respected. I listened and thought, hmmm, this Chassidus is interesting … The next time he mentioned the Rebbe, without intending anything and only having the desire to meet him halfway, I asked, ‘When did he pass away?’ I asked this innocently for at that moment, I did not even remember that some think he is alive. My husband just looked at me and said, ‘The Rebbe Melech HaMoshiach is chai v’kayam.’

“I thought my world had been destroyed. I, a young kalla during sheva brachos, was living under the same roof as a crazy person! He just managed to tell me that everything is based on halacha and the Rambam, and then my brother came to take him to Mincha. I also stood up to daven and I cried uncontrollably. That was a Mincha that I davened with the most kavana I ever had in my life. I hadn’t even davened Mincha like this on the day of my wedding. I felt that before I married I had my parents at my side who could protect and defend me, but now I had no one but Hashem. I told Him – if this is the right path, then open my eyes and do so quickly. But if this is not the right path, then open his eyes, because I cannot go on like this.

“I heard the door open. I wiped my tears and took three steps back to end Shmoneh Esrei. At that moment I suddenly felt an attraction toward Chabad. Up until then, Chabad had not interested me in the slightest. Now, I suddenly wanted to hear all about it. I felt a tremendous thirst to know and know and know. My husband told this story at a farbrengen and people said that maybe I had felt the yechida of the nefesh. I don’t know what it was. I only know that I suddenly felt an interest and an attraction toward Chabad that was really unnatural.

“My husband was smart enough not to ask what had caused the change between my attitude toward Chabad in recent days to the slew of questions I now had. He suggested that we start learning Chassidus together so that the house would be based on Torah and Chassidus. As we learned, I saw that it was not so terrible. Despite everything, my husband still wore the traditional garb and I also realized that he wasn’t in Chabad for money or for honor, as they had told me. I slowly relaxed and began to understand that this is the right path. My husband got me used to the fact that the Rebbe is always seeing and hearing each of us and I accepted that most naturally.”

PUBLIC RELATIONS

“Now the problem that remained was everyone else. I knew how my parents and friends viewed Chabad and I was ashamed to be a part of this. But Hashem gives strength for this too. The more Chassidus I learn, the more I connect to the Rebbe and through this deep connection, all the difficulties dissipate.

“The first time I went to a farbrengen, I began to see the p’nimius of the women and girls in Chabad. People think that what pushes outsiders away is the topic of Moshiach chai v’kayam. This is not true. What turns frum people off and even makes a chillul Lubavitch is the way people look. When I talk to my friends about Chabad being the right derech, they say, ‘How can the women dress that way?’ In Satmar, they talk a lot about tznius. It’s the ikar of a woman.

“At first, I did not know what to say. But I recently learned the topic of the wife of Potifar. The Rebbe says that where there is more holiness (Yosef HaTzaddik) the yetzer ha’ra (the wife of Potifar) tries to grab onto the garments. After learning this sicha, I understood why tznius is such a challenge. And yet, since the midda tova is far greater, when a Lubavitcher woman is dressed modestly, it makes a tremendously positive impression on everyone. I heard a distinguished rebbetzin talk enthusiastically about a modest Lubavitcher woman. She called her, ‘a unique breed in Chabad.’ 

“At that farbrengen I saw such p’nimius by the Lubavitcher women and girls. On another occasion, my husband was invited to farbreng at a Shabbaton for the Achos HaT’mimim. It was a fantastic atmosphere and I was so excited by the girls. They used every extra minute to learn Chassidus. They got up early in the morning to learn before davening. There was a girl there who had what to improve when it came to tznius, but the minute she opened her siddur to the Birkas HaMazon, I couldn’t take my eyes off of her. What a special bentching that was.” 

IN CONCLUSION

“We really see how it is Yemos HaMoshiach. My husband opened an evening kollel for Poilishe Chassidim like us. In Toldos Avrohom Yitzchok there are another three who became Lubavitch and many others are learning Chassidus. Not only is there no location in the world untouched by the Rebbe’s teachings, but people from all groups and backgrounds write to the Rebbe.

“My husband gets many phone calls, even from non-Chassidim, asking him to write to the Rebbe on their behalf. For example, someone from a famous family in Mea Sh’arim called him before Pesach. His financial situation was bleak and he was embarrassed to tell his family. He wanted to ask the Rebbe what to do. The Rebbe’s answer was to help Tomchei T’mimim. For a Chassid, this is easy; for this person, it entailed mesirus nefesh. Nevertheless, he made a donation to one of the Chabad yeshivos.

“After Pesach, he called my husband back, this time with a request to write a letter thanking the Rebbe along with other requests. In some unexpected way he had gotten a sum of money. The amount of money was so large that he said it was years since he had celebrated Pesach with such abundance.

“We see how the Rebbe makes certain to have a representative in every location so that, in the moment of the hisgalus, no Jew will remain behind. The world is ready for the hisgalus.”