INTERMARRIAGE: A CRISIS OF JEWISH IDENTITY

“I hear that you are writing in the newspapers now,” the Rebbe said to Ms. Geula Cohen. “Nu, writing is also good, but it’s not the main thing. The main thing is the youth. You have to speak to the youth, not write to them. Why don’t you talk to young people? They’re waiting for someone to speak to them, but there isn’t anyone. People are giving speeches to them, yet everyone is so amazed why they fail to get excited.”

 Translated by Michoel Leib Dobry

1.

The mixed “wedding” held last week in Rishon L’Tziyon, which created a huge media storm in Eretz Yisroel, was no different than hundreds of other similar events that take place in the country. Most regrettably, the phenomenon of Jewish girls socializing with Arab men has grown with increasing intensity. This isn’t just happening on kibbutzim or in remote towns; it’s occurring in Eretz Yisroel’s major cities, within the mainstream of Israeli society. This time, however, the situation was quite different. Up until now, we have heard many stories about Arabs who kidnap Jewish girls, take them to their villages, and marry them there. Now, these mixed couples choose to tie the knot in the heart of Jewish cities, with hundreds of invited guests participating. This wedding was an event that openly challenged and defied the eternal nature of the Jewish People.

You can agree or express doubts whether the demonstration sponsored by the Lehava organization near the wedding hall was the most efficient way to prevent this unholy union. Apparently, there were more creative and less spontaneous methods that could have prevented the wedding. However, the bottom line is, if it wasn’t possible to stop this event, it would still be important - at the very least - for us to demonstrate our opposition. A protest may not have saved this young lady from making this tragic blunder — and with G-d’s help, we pray that she will soon return home to the Jewish People – but in the meantime, we must do everything we can to keep such events from acquiring any sense of legitimacy in Israeli culture.

It is specifically because there is such a wide consensus in Eretz Yisroel against intermarriage that it was so distressing to see the new president of Israel, Mr. Ruby Rivlin, join in the singing and dancing at this wedding as the media watched in delight, instead of denouncing an event where a young Jewish woman converts to Islam and gets married in a Moslem ceremony in the center of a Jewish city. Rivlin decided to hug the couple and turn them into heroes, while he vehemently condemned those protesting against them.

The big surprise this time was the minister of finance, Yair Lapid, who admitted quite frankly that he would not accept intermarriage within his own family. “If my son would come to me tomorrow and say, ‘Aba, I want you to meet Rona (not Rina), a Russian Orthodox or Catholic girl. I’m going to marry her and our children will not be Jewish.’ Would this bother me? It would bother me very much,” Lapid said in a radio interview with Galei Yisrael. “I think that the Jewish People is a small nation. We have a heritage and we must preserve it. This would bother me.”

2.

What really shocked the public this time was how such an event seemed to be accepted. It appeared like a regular wedding in an events hall in a Jewish city, with a standard and proper invitation displaying the names of the bride’s parents and the groom’s parents. The only problem here was the bride’s name was Morel and the name of the groom (l’havdil) was - Mahmoud.

A few days before the event, Morel’s father publicized an emotional video clip, in which he cried from the depths of his heart and pleaded with his daughter to return to her people. The film clearly illustrated the tragedy engulfing this young woman, who ran away from her parents to live in the Arab section of Yafo and even convert to Islam. She did all this in order to get a little attention. While the price she has paid is simply incomprehensible, it explains how this phenomenon could not have been prevented through purely logical means, rather by filling the vacuum created by the improper education provided to Jewish children in Eretz Yisroel. When schools teach the value of the make-believe harmony between Jews and Arabs, and Education Minister “Rabbi” Shai Piron expresses his desire to integrate Arab teachers into religious schools, it’s no wonder that our daughters feel free to get the attention they crave from sources outside a Jewish environment.

In the ideological division created last week between those identifying with the protestors and those celebrating at the mixed wedding ceremony, it’s quite clear that the vast majority of Israelis sided with the demonstrators. The protest represented an important and symbolic statement, especially since most of those protesting had gone through their own painful stories on this issue. One of the demonstrators was a man who also had a daughter married to a Muslim and he spoke about his first-hand experience.

However, the demonstrations will not stop such incidents. Only love, not protests, will do the job. While demonstrations may raise the level of public awareness of this appalling trend, they also intensify the awareness of a situation that could affect thousands of Jewish girls, thereby possibly strengthening the likelihood of its occurrence. The hubbub in the state-run media surrounding this event, in addition to the media’s automatic embrace of such an occurrence, also granted full legitimacy to the wedding and might even cause other couples in similar circumstances to get up the courage to take this step r”l.

3.

Forty-five years ago, not long after the Six Day War, future Knesset Member Geula Cohen, then a reporter with the Maariv daily, had a yechidus with the Rebbe and asked for guidance on what to do regarding the situation in Eretz Yisroel. Ms. Cohen was known as an activist dedicated to the preservation of the territorial integrity of Eretz Yisroel and one of the leading fighters in the Lehi underground movement during the days of the British Mandate. However, the Rebbe did not ask her to establish a new underground; rather he indicated what the real burning problem was: the situation with the young people in Eretz HaKodesh. In other words, the Rebbe explained to her that while Israel’s youth are wonderful, they need a commander, someone who can lead them to true Jewish values.

“I hear that you are writing in the newspapers now,” the Rebbe said to Ms. Geula Cohen. “Nu, writing is also good, but it’s not the main thing. The main thing is the youth. You have to speak to the youth, not write to them. Why don’t you talk to young people? They’re waiting for someone to speak to them, but there isn’t anyone. People are giving speeches to them, yet everyone is so amazed why they fail to get excited.”

“The talk that the youth is waiting for,” the Rebbe continued, “is an order, and it must be given with the same voice and in the same tone through which all the great commands the Jewish People have been given. The youth may or may not obey, but it is waiting for it. Yet, there is no commander… What happened to those for whom the holy fire of holy war had been burning, yet now they are dealing with small matters – arguments over income taxes, more or less, instead of thinking about pressing issues for the entire Jewish People? Where are those forces that once knew how to give the command?”

Just as it was in all other burning issues, here too, the Rebbe had already seen nearly half a century ago where Jewish youth were heading. The prevailing situation where thousands of young Jewish women are running around with Arab men from the Bedouin camps and Arab villages is testimony to the poor state of the Jewish educational system in Eretz Yisroel. This growing tendency cannot be stopped with demonstrations. Rather, it requires a complete overhaul of the methodology affecting our young people, who were educated by a failed educational system devoid of any Jewish values. Today, Israeli youth know the local culture heroes and television stars better than the heroes of the Tanach and the kings of Israel. Instead of learning about Moshe Rabbeinu, they acquaint themselves with the champions of “the enlightened world.” If Morel had learned the meaning of being a Jewess connected to the eternal values of Am Yisroel, it stands to reason that she never would have cut herself off from the time-honored beliefs of her people.

Ahmed ben Sara is not just a name taken from a public relations campaign; it is a painful and harsh reality. The spiritual state of young people in Eretz Yisroel calls upon us to take effective action. If we want to prevent the next mixed marriage, we must start changing this situation, root and branch. We must embrace these youngsters, inundating them with love as a means of keeping them from following an improper path along dangerous avenues. We need to give them the foundation of Jewish tradition to help them feel what it truly means to be a Jew. As in all areas of concentration, here too, it’s impossible merely to say what’s forbidden for them to do – only “turn away from evil.” We must present them with an alternative, and it’s found only in a Jewish education that will connect them to authentic Jewish content.

4.

When the Rebbe discussed the issue of intermarriage, he didn’t just relate to the religious aspect. First, he touched upon the more human dimension. This is literally a case of suicide, entering a life filled with constant disagreements that surely will not foster happiness. In a letter to a mother who wrote to the Rebbe about her daughter who wanted to marry a Gentile, the Rebbe replied:

“It’s quite simple that solving [this problem] in a satisfactory manner can be done only through a categorical rejection of the daughter’s marriage to a non-Jew. How to do this specifically depends upon her daughter’s emotional traits, etc., and therefore, they should seek the advice of friends who know her.

“Clearly, this is not as they had told her, i.e., intermarriage harms the parents,” the Rebbe continued. “First and foremost, this is one of the worst possible tragedies for the daughter (even if it’s because she’s emotionally involved or for other reasons she doesn’t recognize or doesn’t attribute to herself).

“Furthermore, their attitude must be that their daughter wants to commit suicide r”l and not just from a religious standpoint. This also pertains to a life of constant arguments, divisiveness, etc., and as is known, the results of intermarriage – due to the embarrassment, etc., those afflicted try to cover it up.”

In the face of an act of mass suicide, we must take drastic action to restore Jewish education and Jewish identity to our young people and put an end to this destructive practice. Anyone who understands that this is a matter of committing suicide also realizes the tremendous responsibility that falls upon our shoulders to save these people’s lives. In the spirit of the month of Elul, we can say this subject also demands a response of love – showering love upon our young people and cheerfully spreading Jewish education. Only in this manner can we avoid painful incidents such as what we saw last week in Rishon L’Tziyon.