Is There Something Wrong With “Me”?

By Rabbi Nissim Lagziel

A Joke to Begin With… 

Two Jews who still did not observe Torah and mitzvos met one another at the entrance to the local grocery store.

“Nu, how are you?” the first Jew asked his friend.

“Absolutely terrible, my eldest son has become a ba’al Teshuva.”

“Wow…what else is new?”

“My daughter has also started to light Shabbos candles and says Birkas HaMazon after every meal.”

“One tragedy after another,” the first Jew replied as he offered his sympathy for his friend’s “sorrow.” “Keep watch over your third child to make certain that he doesn’t ruin his life as well…”

“Too late,” the second Jew bewailed. “He’s already putting on tefillin every day!”

“Listen closely,” the first Jew said. “Your situation is really unbearable. Maybe you should have your mezuzos checked?”

***

There is the well-known saying from the holy Shelah, quoted hundreds of times in the sichos of the Rebbe, Melech HaMoshiach, how there is a profound connection between the weekly Torah portion and the time of year when we read it. Parshas Nitzavim is always read on the Shabbos before Rosh Hashanah, and the connection between this Torah portion and the Day of Judgment is alluded to at the very beginning of the parsha.

Moshe Rabbeinu solemnly announces to the Jewish People: “You are all standing today before Hashem, your G-d” – Hashem establishes a covenant with Am Yisrael on the fulfillment of Torah and mitzvos.

When?

“Today!” The Alter Rebbe explains in Likkutei Torah (beg. of Parshas Nitzavim) that the word “today” refers to Rosh Hashanah. This is the day when we together with Hashem enter a renewed, firm, and strong covenant and treaty that we will neither leave nor abandon Hashem, His Torah, and His mitzvos. In return, Hashem will not forsake us. This is the day when every Jew accepts upon himself the absolute sovereignty of Alm-ghty G-d and total obedience to His words.

However, it isn’t just the day of Rosh Hashanah itself that’s hinted in the Parsha. This week’s Torah portion also discusses the necessary preparation for the great and holy Day of Judgment – the Avoda of Teshuva.

Teshuva Clues in Parshas Nitzavim

1. The acronym for the month of Elul alluding to Teshuva from the passuk “And Hashem, your G-d, will circumcise your heart and the heart (את לבבך ואת לבב) of your offspring” appears in Parshas Nitzavim.

Furthermore, regarding the very essence, purpose, and concept of Teshuva, we can learn much from the pesukim in this parsha:

2. At the beginning of Iggeres HaTeshuva, the Alter Rebbe proves from the passuk “And you will return to Hashem, your G-d, with all your heart and with all your soul, and you will listen to His voice” (Nitzavim 30:2) that the essence of Teshuva is not fasting or physical and emotional self-mortification. Teshuva means returning to G-d, returning home, the long-awaited return of the human soul to G-d with all one’s heart “to serve Him and to observe all His mitzvos.” The person returning to G-d must resolve “never again to revert to folly, to rebel against G‑d’s rule; he will never again violate the King’s command, G‑d forbid, neither a positive command nor a prohibition. This is the basic meaning of the term Teshuva (‘repentance’) — to return to G‑d with all one’s heart and soul.”

3. We can also learn about the ease with which a person can fulfill the mitzvah of Teshuva, and the fact that he can do it in an instant, from the well-known passuk in this week’s parsha: “For this commandment which I command you this day, is not concealed from you, nor is it far away” (ibid., 30:11). According to the Ramban, this refers specifically to the mitzvah of Teshuva.

We can conclude with certainty that the central theme of this week’s Torah portion is none-other than Teshuva. Something so fitting and appropriate for these times – towards the end of the month of Elul, the days of preparation for the New Year.

Teshuva for the Righteous

However, the question is: What is Teshuva? And what should the person who has never sinned do? How does all this connect with and bring the True and Complete Redemption?

First things first: Chassidus explains that the Avoda of Teshuva is also demanded from someone who is considered and called by everyone a Tzaddik. He too must examine his actions, conduct a detailed cheshbon hanefesh, an honest reckoning, and if he doesn’t find any thought, utterance, or action that he finds to be regrettable, he still must do Teshuva!

The word “sin” doesn’t necessarily refer to a wrongdoing, and the word “transgression” doesn’t have to mean the failure to fulfill a mitzvah of the Torah. It could be that a Jew has fulfilled the mitzvos as he should, yet he’s still a “sinner.” It’s possible that although a Jew has strictly observed the Torah in all matters, large and small, one hundred percent, he has transgressed. How?

Revisiting the words “Sin”
and “TRANSGREATION”

The original meaning for the root of sin is a deficiency. As Rashi comments on Batsheva’s appeal to Dovid HaMelech if he doesn’t promptly declare Shlomo as his heir (Melachim I 1:21), “and I and my son Shlomo shall be [considered] sinners” – says Rashi: Instead they will always be lacking and restrained and from any greatness.” When we’re talking about a deficiency, each person, even a complete tzaddik, can find deficiencies within himself…. “I could have done more, I could have achieved greater success.”

Even regarding those deficiencies that are hereditary, Chassidus demands that we do complete Teshuva. The word “avon” (sin) means a deviation or distortion. There’s no perfection in this world, each person has some spiritual fault, acquired or inborn deficiency, and he or she must try to correct it. Now, at the conclusion of the month of Elul – is the time!

Redeemed from Yourself

There’s a form of Teshuva that comes because of an individual’s personal aspiration for spiritual perfection and his desire for a total connection to the Creator. Of course, this is not a bad thing, but in the final analysis, who is the person striving for Teshuva — and why? Me, because I’m looking out for my (spiritual and lofty) interests…

However, there’s another type of Teshuva, a Geula’dike Teshuva, a redemptive way to return ever closer to Hashem, many times more profound than the one mentioned above. This “Geulah Teshuva” symbolizes a redemption from a person’s sense of “self.” The total redemption from one’s “yesh” enables a Jew to serve G-d with absolute bittul. The meaning of “bittul” is that I have no personal desires or existence of my own: my existence is solely for the purpose of fulfilling G-d’s Will. This is redeeming the soul from the restraints of human reality and the ultimate way to attain an essential, total, and eternal connection with the Hashem.

This personal sense of Redemption is a marvelous example of what will happen when the Geulah comes. All aspects of the existence of this world and all things contained therein will be nullified to the absolute will of Alm-ghty G-d. The concealment (‘helem’ – derived from the same root as ‘olam’, world) will be eliminated. We will see the Divine truth in every detail, we will understand how every created bring is renewed at each moment solely to fulfill the will of the Creator, and we will feel with our own living flesh how “all that the Holy One, Blessed Be He, created in His world, He created solely for His glory.” The reality of this world will be redeemed from its intolerable sense of self, as it will cease to exist as a separate entity, completely uniting with the “word of G-d”, which gives it life constantly. This is true Teshuva, and this is true Redemption!

Let’s try to free ourselves from the chains of our reality and do things not just because we connect to them, but simply because this is what Hashem wants. Conquering our physical and spiritual desires and doing things with absolute kabalas ol. Why? Because, that’s why!

To Conclude with a Story

We will conclude with a story that the Rebbe told at one of his farbrengens: One Shabbos, the Ba’al Shem Tov was feeling very disillusioned. His students tried to uplift his soul in a variety of ways, but to no avail. Suddenly, a simple Jew came walking in. When the Ba’al Shem Tov saw him, his eyes lit up. He invited the Jew to sit next to him and even sliced him a piece of challah.

The older students felt a little strange. While they were unable to encourage their rabbi and bolster his spirits, this simple Jew was able to rouse the Ba’al Shem Tov from the moment he laid eyes upon him.

Noticing their amazement, the Ba’al Shem Tov sent the guest out to do an errand, and then proceeded to explain:

“Dovid is a very poor and destitute Jew, however, his soul longs for a beautiful and strictly kosher esrog. Throughout the entire year, he saved every kopek he could in order that he could buy a beautiful esrog. When he arrived home with the esrog, and his wife saw what her husband had been saving all his money for, she grabbed the esrog and broke the pitum, the tip, rendering it invalid.

“Dovid was neither upset nor angry. Instead, he merely lifted his eyes Heavenward and said, ‘Creator of the World, apparently I am not fit to have such an esrog.’ This was a test unlike any other since Avraham Avinu offered Yitzchak as a sacrifice. Thus, I related to him in a most unique manner.”

The Rebbe explained at length the great quality of this simple Jew – the quality of bittul.

Good Shabbos! A gut un gebentchte yahr! ■

Based on the Rebbe’s sicha of Shabbos Parshas Re’eh 5748, et al.