LEARNING FROM OUR REBBEIM HOW TO HONOR PARENTS

Why did the Rebbe Rayatz send a shliach to his mother under the German bombs? What aroused the Mitteler Rebbe from his faint after the passing of his father? Why did the Rebbe Rashab apologize to his mother? About whom did the Rebbe Maharash say “It’s a great pity on him?” * A compilation of stories about our Rebbeim’s respect for parents, from the book “Kibbud Av V’Eim,” presented for “Honor your father and mother” in this week’s parsha.

“THIS IS MY COMFORT IN MY AFFLICTION, THAT YOUR WORD HAS REVIVED ME”

When the Alter Rebbe passed away, his son, the Mitteler Rebbe, was in Kremenchug. He had gone there in order to set up apartments for the Chassidim, who planned on settling there until the war Russia was waging against Napoleon ended.

When he heard the news about his father, he fainted. When he was aroused from his faint, he fainted again. This happened several times.

The Chassidim convened to discuss what to do. They finally brought a box full of handwritten manuscripts of the Alter Rebbe and when the Mitteler Rebbe came to, they showed it to him. When he saw the manuscripts he said, “I have what to live with,” and he stopped fainting.

(Likkutei Sippurim p. 133)

BECAUSE OF HER MOTHER’S MESIRUS NEFESH

The Tzemach Tzedek told his son, Maharash: When I was called to a meeting of rabbanim in 5603/1843 that the government in Petersburg initiated, I was at the grave of my mother [Rebbetzin Devorah Leah] in Liozna. She told me that because she gave her life for Chassidim and Chassidus, she had merited being in the chamber of the Baal Shem Tov, where she aroused heavenly mercy for me. She asked the Baal Shem Tov to give her a segula for me, so I would be able to stand up to those who opposed Chassidus.

The Baal Shem Tov told her: Your son is proficient in the Five Books of the Torah, T’hillim, and Tanya by heart, and it says (B’Reishis 35:5), “and the chitas-fear of G-d” etc. The word Chitas is an acronym for Chumash, T’hillim, and Tanya. One who is proficient in them breaks all that which blocks and concealments.

(Kitzurim V’Haaros L’Tanya p. 127)

“EAT, BE SATISFIED AND BLESS” – IN FRONT OF FATHER

One Motzaei Yom Kippur, right after Maariv, the Tzemach Tzedek sat down to learn with his son, Maharash. They learned Rif with the Chiddushei HaRan for several hours and still hadn’t broken their fast.

The Rebbetzin entered the room and said to her husband: What do you want from him? You are an old man and don’t care about fasting, but he is young! He fasted for more than a day. What do you want from him?

The Tzemach Tzedek answered: So? Bring him a cup of milk with a roll and he’ll eat.

The Rebbetzin went and brought her son a roll, a cup of milk and water for washing. Maharash washed his hands, ate and bentched and then continued learning with his father.

On another occasion, the Rebbe Maharash said: You can imagine what kind of eating that was, with my father waiting for me and his not having eaten yet. And afterward we learned until two in the morning!

(Likkutei Sippurim p. 173 in the name of R’ Shmuel Gronem Esterman)

CAREFUL WITH YOUR MOTHER’S HONOR

Here are excerpts from the will of the Rebbe Maharash which was written in 5635/1865 ([…] indicates words rubbed out in the handwritten text):

First and foremost, I command my sons and daughters to be exceedingly careful with honoring your mother, my wife, even though you are already warned about this from Sinai […] still, we find in Chazal that they instructed […] to warn about this. Even when Hashem will grant me the merit that you will grow in years […] on your minds to doubt what your mother says, certainly not to change anything and certainly not to act against her.

… All the more so since its (respect for parents) reward in this world is a long life, which cannot be treated lightly at all …

… take this all to heart and be careful about your mother’s honor as much as possible […] and for this, Hashem will lengthen your days with goodness and pleasantness all the days of your life, and you and your households will be involved in Torah and Yira and He will bestow you with […] and in gashmius.

(Igros Kodesh – Admur Maharash p. 12)

DOUBLE PITY

When the Rebbe Rashab and his brother R’ Zalman Aharon (Raza) were young boys, they were taught by a melamed by the name of R’ Sholom of Kadin. Rashab would spend a long time on his davening, which is why he began davening early. R’ Sholom complained to the boys’ mother, Rebbetzin Rivka, that her son had no strength after davening, and his focus, when learning, was not primarily on the material but on fulfilling what he learned.

The Rebbetzin reported to her husband, the Rebbe Maharash, and he said, “We’ll see.”

Once, on a weekday, when Rashab was davening with his tallis on his head and with a niggun, his father lifted his tallis and saw his son’s eyes sparkling. Rashab did not even realize what his father had done.

Afterward, the Rebbe Maharash told his wife: Nu, is it possible to have the heart to tell him not? He, because of Kibbud Av will listen, and that would be a double pity – a pity on him to stop him and an additional pity on Hashem for taking away the nachas that this creates up Above.

(Another version: It’s a double pity – a pity on him because he will stop for Kibbud Eim, and a pity for taking away the nachas created Above).

When the Rebbetzin repeated this (years later) to the Rebbe Rayatz, there were tears in her eyes.

(Seifer HaSichos 5707)

TO DAVEN WITH FATHER AND TO DAVEN ALONE

On Motzaei Yom Kippur 5644/1883, about a year after the passing of the Rebbe Maharash, Raza asked his brother Rashab, why he had spent so much time on his davening.

Rashab answered: All the years that I davened with Father in one Siddur it was easy, but this year I had to find where Father was, and that took time.

(Seifer HaSichos 5701)

LIKE HIS GRANDFATHER AND FATHER

In the summer, the Rebbe Rashab would go to the countryside in the town of Zavlosha. A minyan gathered in his house every Monday and Thursday and the Rebbe came out of his room for the Torah reading.

An old man, R’ Pesach Cooper, lived there. He helped the poor Chassidim and collected money for them for the expenses of the trip to the Rebbe, food, lodgings, etc.

R’ Pesach said: Before my bar mitzva, my father took me to the Tzemach Tzedek and asked him to bless me. When the Tzemach Tzedek wanted to bless me, my father asked him to do so by placing his holy hands on my head. The Rebbe did so.

After the passing of the Tzemach Tzedek, I went to his son for yechidus. Before leaving, the Rebbe wanted to bless me and I told him how his father blessed me. I asked him to bless me the same way, with his holy hands on my head. The Rebbe did so.

After the passing of the Rebbe Maharash, I went to his grandson, the Rebbe Rashab. I told him his grandfather and father had blessed me and asked him to bless me in the same way, by putting his hands on my head. The Rebbe did so and after blessing me, he said: Now I have a request of you, and don’t refuse me. Since my grandfather and father blessed you with their hands, now bless me.

I was standing facing the Rebbe and the Rebbe asked me to sit down facing him and to bless him with my hands on his head. I was forced to accede to his request.

(Shmuos V’Sippurim)

UNLIKE HIS PREDECESSORS

The Rebbe Rashab once traveled by train. Another Jew sat down near him and began talking to the Rebbe. He asked the Rebbe where he was from. The Rebbe said from Lubavitch. The man asked: Do you know the Rebbe? They say great things about him. Are they true?

The Rebbe said: He is what he is, but he doesn’t compare to his predecessors.

(Ibid)

Z’CHUS AVOS

A Chassid of Kopust had an important matter for which he needed a bracha. This was after the passing of the Rebbe of Kopust and this Chassid went to Lubavitch to the Rebbe Rashab.

The Rebbe did not want to bless him. When the man asked him again, the Rebbe Rashab began to denigrate himself and say he was unable to do so. The Chassid said: But you have Z’chus Avos (the merit of your ancestors).

When the Rebbe heard that, he stood upright and blessed him.

A MOTHER’S BRACHA ON EREV YOM KIPPUR

The Rebbe Rayatz related:

Three shidduchim were suggested for me: two with wealthy fathers who promised large dowries, and one with Rebbetzin Nechama Dina (daughter of Rabbi Avrohom Schneersohn) who was from Beis HaRav but was not financially well-off. My father even had to provide for the wedding expenses.

My great-grandmother, Rebbetzin Rivka, and the Chassidim who were close to Beis Rebbi, wanted the shidduch with the wealthy men. When they went in to discuss it with him, he said: Avrohom Avinu had an only son and wanted to marry him off within his family.

Every year, on Erev Yom Kippur after the seuda mafsekes, the Rebbe Rashab would go to his mother for a bracha. That year, my father went to my grandmother and asked her for forgiveness for not fulfilling her request and she said: May Hashem give you a genuine feeling of t’shuva and opening of the heart, and revelation of the Nekuda (point, i.e. essence). If Hashem forgives us the way I forgive you, we will be pure and clean.

(Seifer HaSichos 5607)

ROYAL HONORS

When the Rebbe Rashab was in Lubavitch, on Yud Kislev, the Chag Ha’Geula of the Mitteler Rebbe, he would go to his mother and serve her tea. He would be accompanied by all the mashpiim of the yeshiva and the roshei yeshiva, the melamdim and the students of the big zal. All of them were present to see the great respect the Rebbe gave his mother.

He once said about his mother, Rebbetzin Rivka: “U’Matzasa es Levavo Ne’eman Lefanecha” (And you found his heart loyal before You) – that is my mother; her sincerity is outstanding.

(Reshimos D’varim)

THE REBBE RASHAB’S KIBBUD EIM

The Rebbe Rayatz related:

On Motzaei Yom Kippur, my father would go to his mother, my grandmother, and pour her a cup of tea.

In 5658/1807, my father took me with him from the countryside vacation spot to Lubavitch. The trip there and back took four hours, enough time to hear an inyan from my father and to absorb it too.

On the trip to Lubavitch, my father said he would ask his mother to tell me stories that she heard from our great-uncle, R’ Chaim Avrohom, from her father-in-law, the Tzemach Tzedek, and from her mother-in-law, Rebbetzin Chaya Mussia. Fortunately, my grandmother wasn’t busy then – she was usually busy helping arrange simchas for poor people.

Before we entered Lubavitch, my father said to me: My father (the Rebbe Maharash) once told me in yechidus that you will feel an inner delight in an inyan when you hear a certain story from my mother (Rebbetzin Rivka) who heard it from my father (the Tzemach Tzedek). She is a reliable storyteller.

Upon arriving in Lubavitch, my father would go to his mother, Rebbetzin Rivka. This was one of his holy practices in fulfilling the mitzva of Kibbud Eim, that when coming from a trip, he would immediately visit her.

When he entered the house, an urn and pastries were ready in the guest room. My father prepared a cup of tea and served it to his mother and I prepared a cup of tea and served my father.

After my father answered his mother’s questions about the countryside, if there was a place to stroll etc. my father asked her, if it wasn’t difficult for her, to tell me stories from her parents that she had witnessed and stories that she heard from reliable people who saw or heard things themselves from reliable people.

(Seifer HaSichos,– 5700)

I WANT TO HEAR 
FROM YOU

On Rosh HaShana 5681/1920, which was within the year of mourning following the passing of the Rebbe Rashab, the Rebbe Rayatz refused to serve as the baal tokeia (one who blew the shofar). The Rebbe hadn’t yet officially accepted the nesius. He said Maamarei Chassidus but hadn’t yet accepted pidyonos.

His mother, Rebbetzin Shterna Sarah, who knew about his decision not to blow the shofar, said to him, “I want to hear the shofar from you …”

The Rebbe acceded to her request, but did not blow all the t’kios. After he blew the first blast, he gave the shofar to someone else.

(Ateres Malchus)

UNDER FIRE

During the bombing of Warsaw in 1940, the Rebbe Rayatz and his mother stayed in different bomb shelters. At first light of day, the Rebbe sent one of his talmidim to find out how his mother was and to report to her that he was fine.

(Shmuos V’Sippurim)

CONCERNED FOR HIS MOTHER’S HEALTH

In a letter to R’ Shlomo Yehuda Leib Eliezrov, one of the older Chassidim who lived in Yerushalayim, the Rebbe Rayatz wrote about his mother’s health and asked him to daven for her refua at the holy places in Eretz Yisroel.

“The health of my mother, the honorable Rebbetzin, thank G-d, is much improved and we had oneg Yom Tov because she was able to be at the s’darim… please pray… if possible, with three or ten [people] at the holy sites.”

The Rebbe wrote to a doctor who treated his mother during her illness and helped cure her, “I thank you and bless you for your warm and sensitive interest in the medical arrangements and treatment of my mother, the Rebbetzin. May Hashem give you length of days and good and shining years with much good. May the angels of life and healing precede you so that you are successful in whatever you do.”

In a response to a relative who reported the death of her husband, the Rebbe Rayatz wrote, “I did not give your letter to my mother, the Rebbetzin, because she will be very upset and the longer she doesn’t know about it, the better.”

(Igros Kodesh Admur Rayatz)

STAYING CLOSE

When the Rebbe Rayatz went to live at 770 in Av 5740, he asked that his mother’s private room be next door to his yechidus room for he wanted to be as close to her as possible and that she should be close to him.

(R’ Leibel Groner)

FROM AUSTRALIA 
TO NEW YORK

R’ Gedalya Segal, who came from Australia to visit his mother who lived in New York, had yechidus and told the Rebbe Rayatz that he had come to visit his mother. The Rebbe said: By visiting your mother you fulfilled the mitzva of “Honor your father and mother,” about which the Torah says the reward “Your days will be lengthened” – you will have length of days and good years.

R’ Yitzchok Groner related this, having heard it from R’ Segal. R’ Groner added that R’ Segal indeed lived a long life and lived in Australia for many years after that.

(Yoman/diary 8 Shvat 5710)

ONLY HE COULD COOK FOR HIS FATHER

The Chassid R’ Aharon Yosef Blinitzky, the son of the famous Chassid R’ Yisroel Noach “HaGadol,” greatly honored his parents. He prepared their food, cooked, and helped them in the most extraordinary way. Respect for parents was an exceedingly important mitzva to him in which he invested much effort. He was especially devoted to preparing good, healthy food for his father when he was an old man.

Once, in yechidus, the Rebbe asked him why he prepared the food himself when he could hire someone. R’ Aharon Yosef said that only he knew how to cook good food for his father and he did not want to forgo the mitzva.

It was a moving sight, seeing R’ Aharon Yosef, who was already over seventy, bringing his father to yeshiva and bringing him back home every day. They were both old men with white beards and looked like brothers, rather than father and son. If one didn’t know them, he would be convinced that R’ Aharon Yosef was the older of the two. R’ Yisroel Noach lived to the age of 99.

Due to his special care in the mitzva of honoring his parents, he merited a bracha from the Rebbe. When he passed by for dollars, the Rebbe blessed him with length of days and good years in the merit of his Kibbud Av V’Eim, and he lived till the age of 96.