THE LIFE STORY AND TIPS OF A MASTER FARBRENGER

If you wanted to find R’ Itay Gabay, you would probably have a hard time finding him. He is constantly on the move while spreading the wellsprings in Tel Aviv and its environs. In one place he gives a shiur, in another he farbrengs, in yet another he leads a lively conversation with a group of mekuravim, and in another place he sits in front of a computer and prepares an article that he will post on the site for those who are getting involved in Judaism. He looks like a bearded Chassid who has been in the world of Chassidus for years, but the truth is that until a decade ago R’ Gabay’s life looked completely different.

TORN CHILDHOOD

Itay Gabay was born in Petach Tikva on Erev Purim 5735 to a typical middle class family.

“My father worked for years at a senior position in the Finance Ministry and my mother is a nurse at Beilinson hospital. We did not lack for anything monetarily. My parents encouraged excellence but gave us children the freedom to choose our path. Our connection to our Jewish traditions was expressed primarily once a year when the family would walk to shul for N’ila, dressed in white.

“I was different than my siblings and peers. Academics did not interest me at all. I was attracted to drawing. My imagination was highly developed and for hours I would think and daydream. During recess I was the clown, the one that all the students gathered round so they could hear a good joke. I tested as gifted but I did not learn anything.

“I really connected to theater and drama where I got excellent marks, but I could not sit for an entire day and study math or English. In tenth grade I was home more than in school. The great attraction I had for drawing came from realizing at a young age that the world we live in has a deeper dimension than what is seen externally. This was something that did not interest other kids in my class.

“I remember that when I was a young child I began suffering from tics. My mother did some research and realized this is a psychosomatic problem, not a physical one. This confirmed what I knew, that not everything can be measured and seen. This insight drew me further into painting where I could express imaginary and inner worlds.”

His parents offered to help him develop his art skills to a professional level, but after some art lessons, he became restless and stopped going. Shortly after that he rebelled against existing societal norms.

“I joined up with fringe youth and together we would listen to rock and punk rock music. At a young age I went to work and I spent the money I earned hanging out on the streets of Tel Aviv. We would be up all night and sleep by day. At a certain point I shaved my head. I was looking for meaning but there was nobody to give me answers to the many questions I had.”

When he came of draft age he was placed on a military base near Eilat.

“The many hours I spent in the mountains of Eilat led me to meditate and to feel how everything is supervised from Above. At the end of my military service, something calmed down within me. The key moment was a trip we made to holy places in Yerushalayim where I was very impressed by Dovid HaMelech’s grave. The simplicity, the peeling paint and the moss on the walls spoke to my heart.”

SEARCHING AND WANDERING

“The first thing I did after my release from the army was to fly to India. I sought serenity. I had a friend who was becoming interested in Breslov Chassidus with whom I traveled and every morning he would get up early, go up on the roof and put on t’fillin. I remember that I had great respect for him doing something he believed in. In Varanasi I bought canvases and paintbrushes and began painting again after years of neglecting it.”

Itay joined a group of gentiles from Spain and Mexico who came to India.

“They were people who traveled all their adult lives and I found a common language with them, but although I was far from Torah observance, I felt inside that there was an essential difference between me and them.

“In one encounter, a gentile friend said, ‘You Jews were born with a book on your backs.’ He meant the Tanach. ‘You can’t run away from it, while we are born without anything and can design our beliefs as we please.’

“There was truth in what he said. It was hearing it from a non-Jew that made me think and realize that although I wasn’t religious now, I was Jewish, and I could never run away from that, no matter where I went. For some reason, I always felt that I represented Judaism. I was constantly asked questions about religion and I did not always know the answers.

“When I came back from India I joined a group on a trip to the Atlas Mountains in Morocco. I was looking for a place of peace and quiet in order to create and paint. The mountains in Morocco served me well in that respect but it did not last long. The Intifada broke out and my mother called and asked me to return home. She was afraid of anti-Semitism on the part of the locals where I was. Indeed, the next day a half a million people demonstrated and screamed ‘Death to Israel.’”

ART AS A MIRROR
TO THE SOUL

At a certain point, Itay decided that he wanted to study art professionally and that is how he met the artist Yehuda Broitman who lived in Yaffo.

“At our first meeting I felt a connection to him. Between one lesson and the next, we would drink green tea and talk about deep concepts in Judaism. I felt strongly connected; my neshama had woken up. I felt that this is what my soul yearned for all those years. Later on I realized that everything he talked about was taken from Chabad Chassidus.

“Now and then I borrowed books from him which I eagerly read. Today I know that they were on Chassidus. One time, I heard about his special connection with the Lubavitcher Rebbe. He told me that he had come out of Russia and become close to Chabad and visited the Rebbe but over the years he had gone off the derech. But after a few months I noticed that he was starting to get involved again with Chabad and he became a Chassid again. I was very close with him and under his influence I started attending Chassidus classes.”

Itay began learning more about Judaism at the shul of the Admur of Bichkov which is in Yaffo near the gallery, where he learned in kollel and became more committed to mitzva observance. Later on, he attended the classes of R’ Motty Gal a”h in Ramat Gan in the D’var Malchus and became his mushpa and mekurav. It was then that he completed his metamorphosis and became a Lubavitcher Chassid.

“After I attended the shiurim on D’var Malchus for a while, I went to the yeshiva in Ramat Aviv and a month later I made my first trip to the Rebbe.”

Itay loved learning Chassidus. After a year of learning in Ramat Aviv he became engaged to Amy. They settled in the old city of Tzfas where he continued painting while learning in the yeshiva g’dola.

“Half a year later, I got a phone call from a shliach in Yaffo who invited me to help him. After writing to the Rebbe we opened to a positive answer and moved to Yaffo.”

Later on, R’ Gabay began teaching in the Chabad House in the Florentine neighborhood in Tel Aviv and became a member of the staff of the yeshiva in Neve Tzedek where he is a mashgiach and mashpia under the shliach and rosh yeshiva, R’ Avrohom Kali. In the evenings he is regularly invited to various places to give shiurim and to farbreng. He is part of the staff of Midreshet Pnimiyut in Ramat Aviv and teaches at the Mimaal Mamosh center on King George. In addition, he is invited all over the country to farbreng and deliver shiurim.

His gifted oratory and his clear exposition of Chassidus capture the interest of his audience, who are loath to miss any of his classes which have developed a positive reputation in Tel Aviv and elsewhere.

As part of his work these days, he is involved in individual and couples coaching which he learned from R’ Arad of Daat U’Tevuna.

“My learning with R’ Arad improved and raised the level of my internalization of Chassidic concepts and the essence of the avoda of a Chassid with himself and others.”

MIRACLE WITH
THE TAX AUTHORITY

“Divine Providence” is a central theme of R’ Gabay’s farbrengens. When I ask for an example he tells me an amazing story that he experienced on Hei Teves a few years ago.

“I love s’farim. Every year, when Hei Teves comes around, I agree upon a certain sum with my wife that we will spend on buying s’farim. Hei Teves for me is a real holiday.

“One year, I bought more s’farim than we had planned, which looked to make a real dent in our budget. The next day, a friend to whom I had given paintings of mine to sell before I was niskarev, told me that he had been able to sell five pieces of work and the money was on its way to me. I was astounded. I hadn’t spoken to him in years and I considered this incredible hashgacha pratis. A year later on Hei Teves, the same thing happened. Once again I bought more s’farim than I should have and once again, I got a phone call from Doron Pollack who had just sold five pieces. It was like a dream.

“Two years ago, we discovered to my dismay that we owed a huge sum for income tax. My wife had had a business which since closed and she was unaware that she owed money and the amount had grown over the years. I discovered this debt completely by hashgacha pratis. I was one of the artists who built art displays on Rothschild Boulevard and in order to get paid, I had to get a form from the Tax Authority where they discovered this old debt.

“The amount was enormous. We tried using our connections but nothing helped. We wrote to the Rebbe and opened to an astonishing answer. The Rebbe wrote about bitachon and said to learn Chovos HaLevavos. We did; every day we learned a few lines. We tried, to the best of our ability, to be calm and have bitachon, but it wasn’t easy.

“In the meantime, it was Hei Teves again and the Tax Authority threatened to freeze our bank account if we did not arrange payment. We decided that since in any case it was going to happen, that I would buy s’farim before I would no longer be able to do so. I bought a lot of s’farim and hoped for a miracle. Unlike the previous years, Doron did not call to tell me he had sold five paintings.

“A few days later, we called the income tax office to find out what was going on and whether we could come to an agreement that would reduce the astronomical sum. The clerk checked our file and informed us that on Hei Teves a request was submitted to cancel the debt and our request had been accepted. We asked for the cancellation in writing and he sent us a letter absolving us of our debt. We were stunned by the turn of events.

“People we had gotten involved in the matter and who heard the happy ending were in shock. The Tax Authority is very structured and things like this just don’t happen. We knew that the miracle occurred because of the bracha we got from the Rebbe.

“There are many stories of hashgacha that a person experiences nearly every day but a miracle like this doesn’t happen every day. This story strengthened our emuna.”

Although you painted so many pictures, you only painted the Rebbe once. Why is that?

In the half a year that I lived in Tzfas I painted four paintings. One of them was of the famous picture of the Rebbe and the Rebbe Rayatz, another one was of Rebbetzin Chaya Mushka and another was just of the Rebbe’s eyes. These paintings remain incomplete while paintings of other people I drew easily and in a shorter amount of time, but it’s hard for me to draw the Rebbe.

When I learned in Ramat Aviv, I got permission from the hanhala to go twice a week to study painting in the studio of Yehuda Broitman in Yaffo. One time, I decided to paint the Alter Rebbe. One of the rabbis in yeshiva, R’ Schwartz, spoke to me about the painting and said, “When you draw the Alter Rebbe, you need yiras Shamayim,” and that really spoke to me.

You’ve dedicated yourself to being mekarev Jews to Judaism and Chassidus. How do you get a person to change?

Whoever works in kiruv knows that there are no magic words. What works with one person does not necessarily work with someone else. Each one moves at his own pace.

But if you would like tips for success, first and foremost is being entirely there for him. There are times you will talk with him until three in the morning and if he calls you need to be available. If you are not free, do everything you can to get back to him when you are available. There shouldn’t be a situation in which a mekurav is looking for you for days. In conversations with mekuravim you need to provide lots of love and I’m not talking about ego stroking but that they should know that you love them. And when you love someone, you say the truth even if it’s not pleasant.

Do you see the results of your hard work in hafatzas ha’maayanos?

I was taught that you get involved in hafatza and you don’t measure success. It’s hard to know what is going on in a person’s soul and when a change will occur, but reality shows that there are people who have changed and become Chassidim, and Hashem has many emissaries.

I’ll tell you something. A while ago, I was invited by my friend, Roi Lavi, a former member of the Tavlinim band who became Lubavitch, to farbreng with his friends. The farbrengen took place in Ramat Gan in honor of Chai Elul. We farbrenged into the night and I told stories about the Chabad leaders. I felt that I was making an impact on the attendees, especially on one person by the name of Shai Cohen. Later on, he connected with the shliach in Kfar Yona, R’ Nechemia Schmerling. After a few months, a friend sent me a video clip in which you see Shai Cohen on a famous TV program where he went up on stage dressed like a frum person and proclaimed “Yechi.”

You are known as someone who farbrengs really well. Can you give us some tips on how to prepare well for a farbrengen?

Someone who farbrengs must first fill himself with maamarei Chassidus, sichos kodesh, and Chassidishe stories. When you have that, then things flow according to the situation, the time and the people. But there are times when you are on your way to farbreng more officially, and then you must show up with what you want to convey. Then I prepare a story or two and the farbrengen revolves around the story and the message in it. The main thing at a farbrengen is not to be a demagogue, but to speak to people as an equal, not from an elevated perch. Then it is well received.

You need to say the truth. A farbrengen can be more or less successful depending on the participants. Last 19 Kislev I farbrenged by the shliach R’ Uri Cohen in Ashkelon. The place was “on fire” thanks to the work the shliach did over many years. I just gave the “final blow.”

When you are out there, do you see a major difference between the kiruv by Lubavitch and the kiruv done by other groups?

Many of them learned their methods from Chabad. You see rabbis from other groups who speak ideas of Chassidus. Before I made my own connection with Chabad, I spent time with Breslov and I was by Ashlag too and also by the Sephardim. I got a taste in many places, but inner depth on such an all-encompassing scale exists only in Chabad. This depth gave me the ability to maintain ties with my family despite my journey.

I remember telling my mother that I was getting involved in Chabad and she was happy. “If you’re getting into religion,” she said, “then only with Chabad.” Chassidus raises you up to the greatest heights and it’s in a joyful way, not out of g’vura or hardship.

Although many learned the right approach from us, the Rebbe lifted us even higher, to live with the Geula. A mekurav to Chabad doesn’t get hung up with his previous sins or with the reward and punishment he will get, but will be involved in getting closer to His Creator and being mekarev others in order to achieve the hisgalus.

Still, how do you get people interested specifically in Chassidus? Isn’t it easier to connect with other groups where the demands are less?

I’ll tell you something. A year ago, someone from my former life contacted me, a famous actress. She asked me to sit down with an irreligious actor and teach him how to act the part of a Lubavitcher baal teshuva. It was Sukkos 5775. She had first consulted with people from the non-Chabad world and when she heard that I had become a Chassid, she called me.

She first sent me an email with the actor’s lines. I read it and was taken aback because it wasn’t appropriate for someone who had become frum through Chabad. I explained to her that it wasn’t at all authentic and we had to change the script. She agreed, even though this script had gone through its final draft already. For two days I sat with the actor and prepared him anew in the role.

The point I am trying to make is that the head of a Chabadnik works completely differently. I saw that the Rebbe mentions that the face of a Chabad Chassid looks more refined, and, of course, it’s true. The work is harder, there is avodas ha’middos, learning Chassidus, mivtzaim, but the bottom line is that you become a different person. The change takes place on an inner level, not superficially. After the actress saw what I changed in the script and how I had prepared the actor, she said, “The heads of you Chabadnikim work differently.”

To conclude, in farbrengens and shiurim you talk openly about the identity of Moshiach and the anticipation for Geula. How do people react?

There are mashpiim and rabbanim who know how to do it better than me, but if you ask me, I say it the way it is.

But before speaking about Moshiach, we need to speak clearly about everything in life starting and ending with “Rebbe.” We get up in the morning and go to sleep at night and the question we ask ourselves is, what does the Rebbe want from us. Just today I farbrenged in Kiryat Ono and it was the main theme of the farbrengen. After talking about the Rebbe, when we get to Moshiach, it’s accepted more readily.

The next stage with mekuravim is learning the sichos of the D’var Malchus. All the secrets are there. The words and wording make everything clear and they speak for themselves. The Rebbe connects every issue in our lives to life in a Geula context. You don’t have to keep on thinking about how to convey it and how to say it; you just say what the Rebbe says and the message gets through. That’s been my experience.

THE REBBE’S ANSWER

R’ Gabay says that in their personal lives, he and his wife have seen miracles from the Rebbe:

“Before we met, my wife wrote to the Rebbe asking for a bracha for a shidduch. She opened to an answer in the Igros Kodesh in which the Rebbe said to say chapter 72 of T’hillim to correspond to the years of the Rebbe Rayatz and to do so until 12-13 Tammuz. She did so.

“We met for the first time on the eve of 12 Tammuz in Tzfas. After our first meeting I could see this was serious. The next day we met again and then we met a few more times and a week later we let our families know about our decision. That day we had a l’chaim and we informed the Rebbe. Then my wife told me about the answer from the Rebbe about saying chapter 72 until 12-13 Tammuz.”