THE RABBI’S RABBI SONS

Rabbi Yosef Cohen has served as the rav of the Weitzman neighborhood in Ramle for forty years and he is a familiar figure throughout the city.  In the past decade, three of his sons have joined the world of rabbanus: R’ Eliyahu is rabbi of the Chai Taib shul in Lud for about ten years; R’ Shai Shimon is a dayan in the beis din for monetary cases that was recently opened in Tzfas by the rav of the city, R’ Shmuel Eliyahu; R’ Menachem is rabbi of the Beis Menachem k’hilla in Beer Sheva. * Beis Moshiach invited the four of them for a talk about the challenges of rabbanus, the differences between a Chabad rabbi and one who is not Chabad, and about their appreciation for rabbanus which they got from their father.

R’Yosef Cohen has served as the rav of the Weitzman neighborhood of Ramle for nearly forty years, but as time went on, his influence has extended beyond the neighborhood.  Many people in the city consult with him and he is busy with his k’hilla day and night.  With great skill he has navigated his way with wisdom and insight on the one hand, and simplicity and love on the other.  And the feeling is reciprocated as the residents feel great love for him.

In a candid discussion with R’ Yosef Cohen and his three rabbi sons, we asked how he came to raise children who are practicing rabbis, about the differences between veteran rabbis and young ones, as well as other pertinent and interesting questions.

THE REBBE’S INFLUENCE

First, we would like to hear how you came to Chabad and to be a rav in Ramle.

I was born and raised in Ramle in a home with great emunas chachomim.  In the mornings I attended a religious-public school Sinai, and in the afternoon and evening I rounded out my education at the only Talmud Torah (elementary school with no or minimal secular studies) in Ramle.  The first teacher who taught us was R’ Tzvi Berenstock who came every day from Bat Yam, and in the evening we learned with R’ Moshe Goldstein a”h.

The one who had a great influence on me was the mashpia, R’ Sholom Dovber Kesselman a”h who sometimes substituted for R’ Goldstein.  He registered me in Tomchei T’mimim in Lud. The atmosphere in yeshiva thrust me into a universe that was totally different from what I was used to.  Farbrengens, shiurim, and above all else – the learning of Chassidus which I became acquainted with for the first time.

After I finished learning in yeshiva g’dola in Kfar Chabad, I went on K’vutza.  Seeing the Rebbe throughout the year was the maka b’patish (final blow) in my becoming Chabad.  In my first yechidus I felt I was speaking to someone through whom the Sh’china spoke.  The Rebbe sat and read my note and then answered my questions as though he knew and prepared the answers ahead of time.  Among other things, I asked how to conduct myself regarding Chabad customs, whether I should do them myself or also try to influence my family, who kept the customs of the Jews of Djerba.  The Rebbe answered in the affirmative on condition that I do so in a pleasant way.  The results were that many of my relatives became Chassidim and admirers of Chabad.

During the year on K’vutza, I sang “Ezreini Keil Chai” on recordings that R’ Moshe Teleshevsky produced.  On Motzaei Shvii shel Pesach, a few days before our return home, we all passed by the Rebbe for “kos shel bracha.”  When it was my turn, even before I stood in front of the Rebbe, the Rebbe pointed in my direction and all the Chassidim present looked at me.  I didn’t know what to do and then someone suggested that the Rebbe wanted me to sing “Ezreini Keil Chai.”  My trepidation instantly vanished and I began to sing in the silence of the beis midrash.

Everyone soon joined in and the Rebbe encouraged the singing with his hand motions.  It was a very moving moment for me.  Things like that are unforgettable.  When you see the Rebbe looking at you as you sing, you feel disconnected from this world. 

With the Rebbe’s bracha I settled in Ramle after I married. My first trial by fire was with Mivtza T’fillin.  I would stand for hours in the market with my tzitzis out and offer t’fillin to passersby.  Nowadays it’s a typical sight, but forty years ago it was new and even somewhat daring. 

Since then, it’s all history.  Over the years, parents came with their children for bar mitzva instruction, couples came for marriage guidance and we set up an array of shiurim and a kollel.

When I finished studying for rabbanus, there was a vacant post in the city.  The city of Ramle was so unappealing that I got the position without anyone competing for it. Today, boruch Hashem, Ramle is full of rabbanim and pious men and a significant part of the spiritual revolution in the city is thanks to the Rebbe.

What is the secret to success? How did you, a rabbi, manage to breach the walls of apathy and even active distance from Judaism in a city which, in the not too distant past, was an icon of secularism?

I think it has to do with the fact that I was born and raised there, and not a “foreign import.”  Throughout the years, I kept in touch even with those who are not religiously observant, including soccer players who were my classmates and other people from all walks of life.  When they meet us, they feel close because we grew up in the same neighborhood.  They don’t feel I’ve come to preach to them.  In the past decades the city has undergone a quiet Jewish revolution.

I credit the Rebbe’s approach for our success, which is one of faith in the hidden potential within every Jew.

I make many house calls.  Just by showing up, I establish that a rabbi visited them. Then I emphasize Jewish concepts. I try, where necessary, to point things out like the need to check the mezuzos, and step by step, without pointing at a particular problem, a quiet revolution takes place in the home.  Only a Chassidishe rav has this understanding.  The revolution does not stop at one house; it continues to another house and to neighbors and finally, to the entire neighborhood.

AN ATMOSPHERE OF RABBANUS AND GIVING

This question is for the children.  What was it about your chinuch at home that drew you toward serving in the rabbinate?

R’ Eliyahu: I credit my father who pushed me to at least get smicha for rabbanus.  My father always encouraged me and said “learn rabbanus.”  What will be and where you will serve as rav – that is in the hands of Hashem.  By divine providence, after I finished my studies, I found out that they were looking for a rav in that same shul where I studied, and I was appointed.

R’ Shimon: To say that my parents or my father educated us to become rabbanim is not entirely accurate.  The chinuch we got was for love of Torah and fulfillment of mitzvos with all the hiddurim and no agendas. To be raised like that and to grow up in my father’s shadow, when he is an esteemed rabbi and is loved by the people in his city, is what encouraged us and got us to follow in his footsteps.

R’ Menachem: I don’t remember talking about the ambition to become a rabbi even though my father very much encouraged us to take the tests for the rabbinate.  My father always said to us, “Learn in order to know, not to become rabbanim.”  Even if I was a lowly worker in a supermarket, that would not bother him; he would still be proud of me.

We were raised in a loving home, and my father’s work was never at our expense.  When you grow up with a father who is a rav and a public figure and it does not come at the expense of the kids, you definitely want to be like him.

I remember how one time, I was a boy and was with my father in shul and I had a question on the Gemara.  When I could not figure it out, I asked my father.  I was not expecting an answer any time soon or at all. My father thought otherwise.  He sat down to deal with the problem; I had already continued with other things but he did not rest until he found an answer to my question and answered me.  I was ten years old and I remember that this made a great impression on me.  My father made sure that I wasn’t left with a question without an answer.

When I got the certificate from the Rabbanut, I was unsure of what to do next and then I saw an answer from the Rebbe in the Igros Kodesh, volume 22, which was addressed to the shluchim who had gone to Eretz Yisroel in 5736.  They had asked the Rebbe what to do in Eretz Yisroel and the Rebbe said, the first order of priority is to learn for rabbanus and dayanus in order to fill those positions, or if not that, then the Rebbe enumerated other jobs.  This letter reinforced for me the idea that the Rebbe encouraged and desired that whoever was capable should follow this path.

What is the secret then, to raising children who want to be rabbanim?

R’ Yosef: The most important thing is to make sure the children learn in Torah institutions and in an environment that respects Torah and those who learn it.  Another thing, no less important, is that the atmosphere at home should be one in which the parents respect rabbanim and never speak negatively about them, rabbanim of all groups.  In my parents’ home there were pictures of tzaddikim and they always spoke about them.

R’ Eliyahu: I think there were two components.  One was the chinuch my father gave us and his urging us to earn the certificates of rabbanus and the nonstop encouragement till this day of every brother, each in his field.  The other is the Chabad chinuch we received to do the Rebbe’s shlichus.  This introduced an important element in that we invested in studying subjects that we could use to serve as a model for others and to help Jews.  A Chabad rav is a shliach in every respect.  People would come to my father at all hours of the day to ask questions and we saw how much our father put into them. 

R’ Shimon: I don’t think there are secrets to chinuch.  There is no such thing as do this and you are guaranteed that your children will grow up like that.  You need a lot of heavenly assistance.  There is one thing that is clear however, that a child will express what his parents say at home, i.e. a child is the mirror as to what is really going on at home.  You want your child to go a certain way? You really want it? You’ll find the right way.  Every child responds differently.  And also consult with others.  All this, along with t’filla, are the right recipe for children to follow the straight path.

R’ Menachem: The answer, of course, is to live it, and to be mechanech to Torah and mitzvos in a way of pleasure, joy, and lots of love.  The father does not have to be a rav, because even a father who does not know how to learn Gemara, but whose son hears from him how much he loves Torah and those who learn it, makes an impact.  When you know there is a child who does not have good character who is influencing others, you get him to be friends with a good boy who changes him and then his influence is a positive one.  The positive has a greater impact than the negative and if a father wants to influence his child positively, it works.

How is your rabbinic position different than what you saw by your father?

R’ Menachem: There are some differences.  I am the rav of a Chabad k’hilla. Many members of the k’hilla grew up in Chassidishe homes and attended yeshiva.  Some are young married men.  My father’s rabbinic position is much larger.  He is very well known in Ramle, is invited to officiate at weddings and, l’havdil, by funerals too.  Someone once said to me, “Your father married half of Ramle.”  There is a big difference in the population we are serving, but whenever a halachic question arises to which I cannot find a solution or I am not sure how to deal with people, I consult with my father.

R’ Yosef: In certain ways, the rabbinic world of today is different than it was a few decades ago.  The role is the same, but what changed is that the public has become more Torah’dik.  So the questions are different and the answers need to be backed by sources and more Torah’dik.

R’ Eliyahu: The difference between what my father does and what I do is obvious.  Most of the people who come and ask him questions are traditional, while I encounter religious Jews.  The questions are more about issur-heter and matters having to do with running the k’hilla.  I often consult with my father.  Our shul is the shul belonging to the Tunisian community and since my father comes from a Tunisian family, he is more knowledgeable about Tunisian practices.  When questions arise having to do with customs, I always consult with my father.

R’ Shimon: I have seen how people ask my father questions and get answers, but what I haven’t seen is the process before giving the answer, the delving into the Rishonim and Acharonim.

The sort of questions my father gets, and the kind of questions I am asked are completely different.  When we were children, in Ramle there was only one other Chabad family and there were hardly any religious people; most were traditional and the questions had to do with marriage and memorial services for the departed.  I am asked questions mainly by yerei Shamayim, the kind who chose to come to a beis din.

Furthermore, officially our jobs are completely different.  My father is a rav, a person who responds to questions.  He can be beloved, he can hug them, listen to them.  I am a dayan, a position that would seem to place me in the role of a judge, but the truth is that even a dayan today is not someone who can issue rulings in an authoritarian manner.  On the contrary, we wish to reach a compromise, to listen and help people.  I learned from my father how to listen and how to offer advice.  Many people go to him for advice and to hear what he has to say and I find myself in the same situation.

A CHABAD RAV IS ALSO A SHLIACH

You are in touch with rabbanim of other groups.  Tell us how a Chabad rav is different from other rabbanim.

R’ Shimon: Rabbanim are different from one another just like populations are not homogeneous.  But when you see a Chabad Chassid who is also a man of Torah, and his work in disseminating the wellsprings is not instead of his learning, that is something that makes a kiddush sheim Lubavitch. 

I was recently at a Chabad farbrengen and next to me sat a rav from another group who was also invited to the event.  There were many people in attendance, Chassidim and other people, and the tables were laden with refreshments.  There was free admission of course, and this rav was amazed by this “hachnasas orchim.”  He told me that nowhere else do they allow people in to a meal like this without an admission fee.  Well, I never thought that as a Chabad Chassid we would get such a compliment, but we did.

R’ Menachem: Today, when Chassidus has spread everywhere, it is sometimes hard to find the differences, for there are rabbanim who don’t look like Chabad rabbanim but act like Chabad rabbanim in many ways, and they have taken on the practices of Chabad rabbanim.  There are quite a few like this whom I know, like the rav of the city, R’ Yehuda Dery, an ardent supporter of the Rebbe and Chabad.  Just recently, I attended a “Geula U’Mada” conference where he told me about the positive impact of the Rebbe’s shluchim in Morocco.  He said that he heard from his father-in-law, that his father, R’ Toledano, told him to drop everything and help R’ Shlomo Matusof start the yeshiva in Meknes.  R’ Dery said that at every third Shabbos meal his father-in-law would sing Chabad niggunim which he learned from R’ Matusof.

There is someone in town by the name of R’ Ezriel Dery, also associated with Shas, who publishes a weekly Torah pamphlet, Orot HaShabbat.  He doesn’t look Chabad but he uses a T’hillas Hashem siddur and knows the Rebbe’s maamarim and sichos.  A few months ago, we arranged a kinus called “Yom SheKulo Geula U’Moshiach” and he was one of the main speakers.  He spoke on the topic of prophecy in our time.

What is the added value of someone who learns Chassidus in his role as rav?

R’ Yosef: One of the important roles of a rabbi is to think about the people he serves rather than his personal welfare.  We are doing the work of heaven and someone who learns Chassidus has this help him behave accordingly, for one of the bedrocks of Chassidus is bittul ha’yesh (nullifying one’s ego).

R’ Eliyahu: A Chabad chinuch directed at shlichus helped me a lot in my work.  I see this everywhere.  You don’t serve as rav for the honor and you don’t do the work out of rote, finish up and leave.  It’s important to you that people progress in their Jewish commitment.  Caring about every Jew is a very powerful component.

NOT JUST THE LAW

A rav’s job is very demanding and requires devotion to his k’hilla.  Sometimes, the children of rabbanim avoid entering the world of rabbinic service.  What made you different?

R’ Menachem: The fact that my father is a rav helped me a lot.  When we meet, we get into halachic discussions, but the main thing I learned from my father, and I consult with him a lot about this, is how to answer properly.  For example, a person comes to ask a question and you, as a rav, know that the answer has many angles and opinions.  But the person asking the question is not interested in the halachic pilpul; he wants to know what to do.  It is very important to know who you are talking to in order to give him the right response.

Also, sometimes people ask a halachic question but the halacha is not what interests them; they want you to listen to their problem. As a rav you have to know what lies behind the question and you need to know where the questioner is holding.  I saw this a lot with my father.

A rav is not only someone who answers questions in halacha but on a variety of subjects.  How does that work with you?

R’ Eliyahu: A rav is not only someone who paskens halacha.  A rav today encourages his flock.  He may find himself listening to and addressing arguments between people and making peace between married couples.

I had a situation recently in which one of the regulars decided to stop attending shul.  When I sat down with him in order to understand what was going on, he told me he came home from work before Shabbos feeling exhausted and since we added a shiur between Mincha and Maariv, that made him come home even later, and it was hard for him.

I listened.  I did not want to stop the shiur but we made up between us that he would come to shul for the other t’fillos. Things like this happen all the time.  The role of a rav, in a sense, is to be the father and mother of the k’hilla.

R’ Shimon: The image people have of a beis din is incorrect.  They imagine a beis din as a place where three people sit and coolly pasken questions without sensitivity.  That is wrong.  We prefer a compromise over giving a p’sak.  We will try to convince the parties involved and it won’t necessarily be half and half.  We will listen to each side, understand their pain, and where each one is coming from, with the greatest sensitivity.  Compromises that are not forced but agreed upon, 99% of them come to fruition.  After a p’sak din, when people ask why did you decide like that, we try to explain.

Although we are not required to respond to appeals, when one of the sides brings an additional proof or reasoning we open the file and examine the claims again, and if something needs correcting, we do so.  There is definitely an opportunity to change a p’sak din if new evidence comes to light that changes the picture.

R’ Menachem: It used to be that a rav really did sit in his ivory tower and wait for questions to come to him.  A Chabad rav, who sees his position as a shlichus, is different.  A Chabad rav does not wait for people to come to him but goes out and takes an interest in his k’hilla.  He is not only involved in halachic questions but also in how people and their families are.  There are many questions about the chinuch of children, you need to know how to advise people and especially, how to be a role model of a rav who is concerned for his flock.

I recall a story from the beginning of my years in rabbanus, which gave me strength when I was starting out.  There is a man in our community who came to me before Shabbos Chanuka and asked where to put the menorah.  There was a doorway where he preferred putting the menorah, but it did not have a doorpost which is why it did not have a mezuza.  I thought about his question and said: Since the doorway does not have a mezuza, it is not in the category of a doorway and you need to put the menorah in a doorway where there is a mezuza.

The next day at the farbrengen he said something amazing.  He said he did as I told him and then he left the house with his family.  When they returned home, they smelled smoke and saw that the candles and menorah were burned but since the fire had nowhere to spread, it went out on its own.  In the doorway where he had first thought of putting the menorah, there were many plants and flammable things and the whole house could have gone up in flames.  This story excited everyone and gave me a strong feeling that I had merited siyata d’Shmaya.

UNITY

What is different about small k’hillos over big ones, other than size.  You are all rabbanim of small k’hillos.  What is unique about your k’hilla?

R’ Menachem: Compared to k’hillos in Kfar Chabad, Rechovot, and Tzfas, we are small, but our k’hilla has many advantages.  Among other things, the rav can see and relate to each person in the k’hilla.

In a small k’hilla there is time to listen to people’s problems and knowing the illness is half the cure.  People can text me questions and receive responses the same way.  It’s possible because it’s a k’hilla of sixty-seventy families; with more than that it would be hard to keep up.

Chabad communities today are comprised of different styles.  They did not all go through the standard yeshiva system.  There are also immigrants from various countries.  How do you bridge the gaps and have a unified community?

R’ Eliyahu: I am not a rav of a Chabad community although some Lubavitchers daven in the shul, but I will tell you about a situation which could occur when a person asks a question and there is a dispute among the poskim.  In that case, I will always pasken based on the questioner’s tradition.  I saw several letters from the Rebbe in which he writes to allow Sephardim to follow their customs and not to force other customs on them.  So I repeat the Rebbe’s sichos and expose them to Chabad practices but the p’sak follows Sephardic tradition.

R’ Menachem: Back when there were disputes among the religious parties in the Knesset, the Rebbe said a sicha which appears in Hisvaaduyos 5749.  The Rebbe set out a clear approach on how to achieve unity and peace.  The Rebbe says there that everyone should unite around those issues that unite them, and the Rebbe points out a number of areas over which there is no debate.

A Chabad k’hilla wants to give the Rebbe nachas and so when you sit at a farbrengen and connect to one another, the Torah is one, and the mitzvos are also that which we all need to do.  The differences in nuance are then nullified.

THE SPECIAL KO’ACH HASHEM GAVE RABBANIM

What is the role of rabbanim in strengthening belief in Moshiach? Do you have practical advice that you give your k’hillos?

R’ Eliyahu: Today, it’s not a problem.  In the past there may have been opposition but today even rabbanim of other groups including those who were previously opposed, speak about the footsteps of Moshiach. I try to connect everything with Moshiach. In our shul we have Jews from a Mizrachi background, Jews with simple faith, who appreciate talk about Moshiach.

R’ Shimon: I remember that as soon as I was appointed as dayan, I signed on the p’sak din that paskens that the Rebbe is Moshiach.

Someone once came to us and asked that we pasken that he become rich.  One of us three dayanim, who was not a Lubavitcher, did not want to issue a p’sak like that even though we know that the Rebbe asked on a number of occasions that a ruling be issued that Jews need to receive wealth as part of the times we live in.  Another time a menahel of a Chabad mosad came to us and asked for the same thing.  In the end, through a different panel of dayanim, both got the p’sak they asked for and I later heard from that menahel about the tremendous siyata d’Shmaya he has had since that p’sak.

R’ Menachem: In the divrei Torah I say to my k’hilla, I always include what the Rebbe says in the D’var Malchus. Even in non-Chabad communities the topic of Moshiach has caught on and is talked about constantly.  It’s not merely that Moshiach is not divisive, it actually brings to achdus.  Every Jew wants Moshiach and everyone understands that this is the real solution.  If someone opposes it, that comes from lack of understanding.

Every Friday I do mivtza t’fillin.  Some time ago, a traditional Jew came to the t’fillin stand.  He puts t’fillin on regularly and he asked whether I also believe that the Rebbe is Moshiach and chai v’kayam.  I did not have time to get into a conversation and only said that this is what is written and this is the belief.  He said: Of course the Rebbe is alive and is Moshiach.  I believe this very strongly.

In conclusion: Rabbanim have the power of Torah.  What do you think needs strengthening among us and how can it be done?

R’ Eliyahu: I think there is a problem that needs addressing.  With the excuse of hafatzas ha’maayanos, there are people who permit themselves to step outside of all sorts of boundaries in order to be more accepted by people on the outside.  This is not the way the Rebbe taught us. The proper way is to love people and be mekarev them to Torah, not the opposite.

Likewise, a shliach or Chassid cannot dress modern and have an Internet enabled cell phone, all in the name of shlichus.  As Chabad Chassidim we were taught to take the high road with yiras Shamayim and not to compromise.  We have to see where to be mehader and not where to be lenient.  We need to stay true to the goal that the Rebbe established for us and that is kabbalas p’nei Moshiach.

R’ Shimon: We need to strengthen limud ha’Torah which is one of our foundations.  In the Torah world, they admire people who are knowledgeable.  If you are a “doer” but lack Torah knowledge, you won’t be treated the same as a man of action who is also knowledgeable and has set times to learn.  We need to invest more in Torah study and it makes no difference what part of Torah.

R’ Menachem: The main thing is to hasten and bring about the hisgalus of Moshiach.  According to the Rebbe in Tazria-Metzora 5751, this is done by learning Torah, especially inyanei Moshiach and Geula.

There are two things here, one is learning Torah in general about which it says “tiferes l’o’seha.” Tiferes is a midda which combines opposites and creates a situation of unity because it is the Toras Hashem.  The second thing is learning inyanei Geula specifically, which is a higher level.  When sitting and listening to a shiur, one should not think it’s a waste of time, G-d forbid, because you could have gone out to spread the wellsprings.  It says the Torah is “our life and length of our days.”  We are involved in hafatzas ha’maayanos but the ability to do so comes from learning.