Trusting a Not-Yet Shomer Shabbos

A collection of relevant halachos regarding Teshuva-related topics

from AskTheRav.com & Halacha2Go.com
By Horav Yosef Yeshaya Braun, Mara D’asra and member of the Crown Heights Beis Din

Naming after a non-observant parent?

The halachah is that “Lo maskinan bishmayhu” of reshaim (one may not name someone after a wicked person), since the fate they deserve is that their name be forgotten. Often, however, this halachah presents a conflict to baalei teshuvah who nevertheless wish to honor their non-observant parents’ memory by naming their children after them.

The halachah is that naming their children after their parents is permissible, in view of the following:

1. Today’s non-observant Jews generally have the status of tinokos shenishbu (lit. children who were captured, i.e. they are non-observant through no fault of their own).

2. Death constitutes a measure of kaparah (atonement) for the deceased parents. 

3. Naming a child after their parent (or even a grandparent) is being done specifically in order to fulfill the mitzvah of kibbud av va’eim (honoring one’s parent).

However, one might want to add another name in cases like these. It should also be noted that this exemption (number 3) would not apply to naming one’s child after other non-observant relatives, unless one has in mind that the name is also being given in memory of an observant person with the same name. #486*

Trusting a not-yet Shomer shabbos

A person whom we suspect of violating a specific mitzvah does not have ne’emanus, trustworthiness, regarding that mitzvah; one who desecrates Shabbos publicly loses his ne’emanus regarding all mitzvos,  just as, lehavdil, a non-Jew. When it comes to matters of kashrus, a mechalel Shabbos befarhesia does not have any ne’emanus that the food being offered is kosher. Even if kim lay begavay, we know for a fact that the host is truthful, one should be machmir, strict, and not eat the food. However, in case of necessity, if a person is very weak and does not have another option, he can rely on the host’s integrity and eat there. Similarly, there is room for leniency if baalei teshuvah are being hosted by their parents, and they know that they can be trusted to serve them only kosher food. #224

Name Changing? – Not so fast… 

Shinui hashem (changing a person’s [Jewish] name) is not done lightly. A person’s name is a tzinor hachayim (channel of life) for the individual. The pasuk states, “nefesh chaya hu shemo” ; this is interpreted to mean that the life-giving nefesh is bound with the individual’s name. The Arizal teaches that the name the parents give their son at his bris is chosen b’ruach haKodesh (Divine inspiration).

There is a tradition that shinui hashem can remove a negative Heavenly decree from a person because the original name had been an impediment to blessing. Alternately, a name change can indicate a type of rebirth like the process of teshuvah, and the needed blessing can then be channeled to this “new” individual.

The most common situation which calls for a name-change is for a choleh (sick person) in the case of critical illness, lo aleinu. (If the choleh does not recover, chas veshalom, halachah dictates that the new name is no longer relevant, and should not be used. But if the choleh recovers, the added name remains part of their name, even if they pass away at a later time.)

There are times when people may otherwise wish to change their name. When it comes to shidduchim, for example, shinui hashem may be warranted, since many are careful that a prospective in-law not share a name with the bride or groom (see Halachah # 370). In these cases, it is the accepted practice to consult with a chacham (an especially learned person) who will weigh the current circumstances and may offer suggestions for appropriate names. We are cautious not to make these decisions except under guidance, since “messing” with our spiritual makeup in this way may be potentially damaging.

Shinui hashem (under the proper halachic guidelines) usually occurs before a Sefer Torah, when a specific mi shebeirach is recited in front of a minyan. The subject of the name change—man or woman—need not be present.

The custom is not to drop the old name; the new name is added to the existing one, and becomes the first of the given names. The new name should be used for at least thirty days so it becomes a name that is muchzak (halachically established); we should be sure to call the individual with their new name (in addition to the original one) so that it does not become nishtaka (obsolete, see Halachah # 469).

Marrying a Girl from a Non-Frum Family

If a shidduch (proposed match) is suggested with a good girl who has yiras Shamayim and possesses good character traits, but her parents were mechalelei Shabbos, or weren’t generally frum, some people may mistakenly consider it grounds for rejecting the shidduch. This may be due to the concern that her parents’ marriage might not have been halachically in order, or that taharas hamishpachah (family purity) may not have been observed.

However, marrying such a girl is actually preferable to marrying a girl from a frum family who does not have those qualities. In fact, Sefer Chassidim implies that it’s often better to marry a giyores (convert) than someone from a Jewish family; a baalas teshuvah (a girl who became frum) is likewise on a higher plane than tzadikim gemurim.

Therefore, the order of priority is: a giyores, then a ba’alas teshuvah—provided they both have yiras Shamayim and are of upstanding character, and then a girl from a frum family who does not possess such sterling qualities. (It should be noted that a birur yuchasin (establishing proper lineage) is always necessary, to alleviate any concerns about halachic eligibility for marriage.) #564 ■

Trusting a Not-Yet Shomer Shabbos

A collection of relevant halachos regarding Teshuva-related topics
from AskTheRav.com & Halacha2Go.com.

By Horav Yosef Yeshaya Braun, Mara D’asra and member of the Crown Heights Beis Din

Naming after a non-observant parent?

The halachah is that “Lo maskinan bishmayhu” of reshaim (one may not name someone after a wicked person), since the fate they deserve is that their name be forgotten. Often, however, this halachah presents a conflict to baalei teshuvah who nevertheless wish to honor their non-observant parents’ memory by naming their children after them.

The halachah is that naming their children after their parents is permissible, in view of the following:

1. Today’s non-observant Jews generally have the status of tinokos shenishbu (lit. children who were captured, i.e. they are non-observant through no fault of their own).

2. Death constitutes a measure of kaparah (atonement) for the deceased parents. 

3. Naming a child after their parent (or even a grandparent) is being done specifically in order to fulfill the mitzvah of kibbud av va’eim (honoring one’s parent).

However, one might want to add another name in cases like these. It should also be noted that this exemption (number 3) would not apply to naming one’s child after other non-observant relatives, unless one has in mind that the name is also being given in memory of an observant person with the same name. #486*

Trusting a not-yet Shomer shabbos

A person whom we suspect of violating a specific mitzvah does not have ne’emanus, trustworthiness, regarding that mitzvah; one who desecrates Shabbos publicly loses his ne’emanus regarding all mitzvos,  just as, lehavdil, a non-Jew. When it comes to matters of kashrus, a mechalel Shabbos befarhesia does not have any ne’emanus that the food being offered is kosher. Even if kim lay begavay, we know for a fact that the host is truthful, one should be machmir, strict, and not eat the food. However, in case of necessity, if a person is very weak and does not have another option, he can rely on the host’s integrity and eat there. Similarly, there is room for leniency if baalei teshuvah are being hosted by their parents, and they know that they can be trusted to serve them only kosher food. #224

Name Changing? – Not so fast…

Shinui hashem (changing a person’s [Jewish] name) is not done lightly. A person’s name is a tzinor hachayim (channel of life) for the individual. The pasuk states, “nefesh chaya hu shemo” ; this is interpreted to mean that the life-giving nefesh is bound with the individual’s name. The Arizal teaches that the name the parents give their son at his bris is chosen b’ruach haKodesh (Divine inspiration).

There is a tradition that shinui hashem can remove a negative Heavenly decree from a person because the original name had been an impediment to blessing. Alternately, a name change can indicate a type of rebirth like the process of teshuvah, and the needed blessing can then be channeled to this “new” individual.

The most common situation which calls for a name-change is for a choleh (sick person) in the case of critical illness, lo aleinu. (If the choleh does not recover, chas veshalom, halachah dictates that the new name is no longer relevant, and should not be used. But if the choleh recovers, the added name remains part of their name, even if they pass away at a later time.)

There are times when people may otherwise wish to change their name. When it comes to shidduchim, for example, shinui hashem may be warranted, since many are careful that a prospective in-law not share a name with the bride or groom (see Halachah # 370). In these cases, it is the accepted practice to consult with a chacham (an especially learned person) who will weigh the current circumstances and may offer suggestions for appropriate names. We are cautious not to make these decisions except under guidance, since “messing” with our spiritual makeup in this way may be potentially damaging.

Shinui hashem (under the proper halachic guidelines) usually occurs before a Sefer Torah, when a specific mi shebeirach is recited in front of a minyan. The subject of the name change—man or woman—need not be present.

The custom is not to drop the old name; the new name is added to the existing one, and becomes the first of the given names. The new name should be used for at least thirty days so it becomes a name that is muchzak (halachically established); we should be sure to call the individual with their new name (in addition to the original one) so that it does not become nishtaka (obsolete, see Halachah # 469).

Marrying a Girl from a Non-Frum Family

If a shidduch (proposed match) is suggested with a good girl who has yiras Shamayim and possesses good character traits, but her parents were mechalelei Shabbos, or weren’t generally frum, some people may mistakenly consider it grounds for rejecting the shidduch. This may be due to the concern that her parents’ marriage might not have been halachically in order, or that taharas hamishpachah (family purity) may not have been observed.

However, marrying such a girl is actually preferable to marrying a girl from a frum family who does not have those qualities. In fact, Sefer Chassidim implies that it’s often better to marry a giyores (convert) than someone from a Jewish family; a baalas teshuvah (a girl who became frum) is likewise on a higher plane than tzadikim gemurim.

Therefore, the order of priority is: a giyores, then a ba’alas teshuvah—provided they both have yiras Shamayim and are of upstanding character, and then a girl from a frum family who does not possess such sterling qualities. (It should be noted that a birur yuchasin (establishing proper lineage) is always necessary, to alleviate any concerns about halachic eligibility for marriage.) #564 ■