ZALMY, DO YOU HAVE A MASHPIA?

Thirty years ago, the Rebbe started the campaign urging people to “asei lecha rav,” that every man and woman, boy and girl, appoint a mashpia to help them in their avodas Hashem. * By examining the Rebbe’s sichos and talking with mashpiim, we clarify the details of the campaign that the Rebbe referred to as a “soul request.”

Stop for a moment and think. Do you have a problem? A challenge? Not sure about certain things in your life? Feel that you are stuck in your avodas Hashem?

That’s truly a problem. Emotions are also stuck because you feel blocked, you are not moving forward. It’s getting to you. What should you do?

Now consider that you had someone that you respect and like, who you would listen to. He knows you, he can identify your weaknesses as well as your strengths. You go to him with your problem. He is not only wise enough but also has spiritual authority that he got from Hashem and the Rebbe. He is a “channel” to be mashpia to you only good things.

If we think about this, not just from a spiritual perspective but from the angle of what is beneficial to us, a selfish angle if you wish, this is a very nice gift we got from the Rebbe. He encouraged us to practically implement what it says in Mishnayos Avos, “asei lecha rav.”

“I’ll tell you the truth,” I heard from a Lubavitcher young man who wishes to remain anonymous. “For many years it was hard for me to choose someone. I know the difficulty was not so much in the choosing as in the actual appointment of someone to whom I will need to expose myself and he will tell me what to do. That’s how I saw it.

“At a certain point, I went through a seriously difficult time and realized that I need a rav to help get me out of the mud, because ‘someone imprisoned cannot free himself from jail.’ It wasn’t easy for me but I was forced to do it, and since then I bless the moment that I took on a mashpia to help me. It’s not like I thought, that he would be someone who dictated to me. On the contrary, he is someone who knows me well, my good points, and he strengthens them and also helps me think straight, run away from traps, and circumvent unpleasant areas in life.”

This is how the Rebbe Rayatz describes the place of a mashpia in the world of Chassidus:

Mashpiim for Chassidim are a primary thing in the “ways of Chassidus.” The “ways of Chassidus” are the planting of the divine flow… when the planter [mashpia] is an expert at his work and is not lazy in his labors.

The Chassidic crown of the town was the mashpia. They consulted with him in matters of avoda, they conferred with him about how to free oneself of a negative trait and how to become habituated to a good trait, what steps to take so that a prayer is a prayer, how to read the bedtime Krias Shema… From the mashpia one receives a program of preparation before going to the Rebbe for yechidus.

THE REBBE IMPORTUNES: ASEI LECHA RAV

Before we speak about the campaign, let us first read what the Rebbe had to say about this. At the farbrengen on Shabbos Parshas D’varim 5746, the Rebbe referred to this statement of our Sages and explained that a person is subjective and cannot rely on himself, especially not concerning matters of tz’daka and Torah study. Therefore, he needs a rav whom he looks up to.

Who was the Rebbe addressing? Everyone, without exception:

It is extremely good and proper that every Jew, men and women, including small boys and girls, fulfill the instruction of the Mishna, “Asei lecha rav.” To do so by going from time to time to someone greater than himself in order to be “tested” regarding his status in Torah study, the giving of tz’daka, and his general conduct in the service of Hashem. This includes also permitted matters, “All your actions should be for the sake of Heaven,” “In all your ways you should know Him.” Through this he will receive the proper instruction and guidance without the “bribery” of self-interest. In addition to which, the very knowledge that he will have to give an accounting from time to time to a man of flesh and blood will cause him to improve his conduct and increase in all matters of good and holiness.

More so, the Rebbe added that even someone who is great in Torah and fear of Heaven and will have difficulty in finding someone greater should appoint a rav for himself, despite that person being on a lower level than him. The very fact that an outside person sees his situation will help him see things without self-bias. In one of the sichos, the Rebbe pointed out that it is known that even the Vilna Gaon had someone whom he would invite from time to time to give him musar (rebuke), and he would do what he was instructed!

Truth be told, this was not something new from the Rebbe. Thirty-three years prior, in 5713, the Rebbe spoke about this in no uncertain terms:

There are those who think that in lower matters they can understand and decide for themselves, and therefore do not need to go ask about such things from a “rav.”

The Mishna says, “Asei lecha rav.” Every Jew needs to have a rav, whereas they think this applies only to lofty matters, but when it comes to simple things he believes in himself and he doesn’t need the influence of a rav. He can do it himself.

And even though time has passed and he is still in the same lowly state, he still thinks it’s not worthwhile to go to a rav. He is waiting “until they will pour over him a spirit from Above,” until he will be inspired with proper fear, and then he will fix whatever needs fixing, with his own power.

What about someone who can’t find a suitable rav? The Rebbe goes on to address those people too:

They should know that it is from the counsel and seduction of the “yetzer.” Because it is certain that “the Jewish people are not widowed,” and it is impossible that there should be nobody greater than him in love and fear of Hashem, and therefore can serve as his “rav.” However, for this there has to be “asei” (also from the term meaning to coerce his own ego) and exertion – he needs to exert himself and search until he finds a “rav,” because he cannot rely on himself, and it is essential that he have a rav. And “if you toil you will find” – if he will really exert himself and search for real, he will find a “rav.”

Twenty-four years later, in 5737, the Rebbe again highlighted the need for mashpiim and mashpios. In order to encourage Anash to become mashpiim for those who ask them, the Rebbe instructed to publish a special printing of “kuntres Ahavas Yisroel” just for mashpiim:

In every place that my words will reach – a request, a plea, and beseeching (in every term of request and imploring that can possibly be employed) – they should establish this matter b’poel mamash, so that already on Chanuka… should begin the hashpo’o of those providing guidance….

It would seem that the Rebbe was not happy with the results of that initiative. On Shabbos Parshas Bo 5743, the Rebbe shared his feelings on the matter:

When it was spoken a number of years ago about appointing mashpiim in every single place… I wanted to add in the expediting and encouraging of this matter. Therefore, since at that time the kuntres Ahavas Yisroel was published, containing sayings and teachings of our Rebbeim and N’siim… I announced that I would sign my autograph on these pamphlets and give them to each one of the mashpiim. From then until today, except for a small number, nobody has asked to receive this kuntres with my signature! Despite the fact that I suggested this on my own!

THE TWO MONTH MASHPIA

The Rebbe clarified over the years that choosing a rav needs to be done voluntarily and not through any form of coercion. On the other hand, the rav needs to be the real deal who will guide the mushpa on the proper path. One should not look for a rav that will go easy on him, as that would be disastrous, but he needs to accept him with kabbalas ol.

The ultimate question remains as to what are the actual criteria for choosing a rav? The Rebbe addressed this as well, based on the statement of the Sages, “If the rav is similar to an angel of G-d, seek out Torah from his mouth, and if not…” The nature of angels is that there exists no jealousy, hatred or competitiveness, among them; to the contrary, like the three distinguishing characteristics of Jews, “merciful, abashed and doers of kindness.” One should seek out a rav who has all these signs in an open way that is obvious to all.

Immediately after the Rebbe spoke about this issue thirty years ago, the “Vaad HaMimush” (implementation committee) publicized it in all communities of Anash. Cards were also distributed to be filled out with all the relevant details, in order to present the Rebbe with a coordinated report regarding the implementation of the campaign.

R’ SZ Berger recounts an interesting episode from that time: “In those days, eighteen Chassidim, mostly rabbanim, mashpiim and shluchim, approached R’ Zushe ‘the partisan’ to be their personal rav, and he agreed. A short while later, he was approached by R’ Mendel Futerfas, but R’ Zushe declined, claiming that the list was full… In actual fact, his mushpaim only benefited from his counsel for a brief time, as two months later, on Sukkos 5747, R’ Zushe passed away suddenly.”

From the time that the Rebbe issued his call, personal connections between Chassidim and mashpiim really began to take off. Young married men and bachurim, elders and even rabbanim took on a personal mashpia; housewives and young women, teenage students and their teachers chose mashpios for themselves.

MASHPIA: FULL TIME AND TOTAL COMMITMENT

Despite the many years that have passed since the Rebbe started this campaign, there are still some murky areas, such as: When do you ask the Rebbe and when do you ask the mashpia? What is the mashpia’s main responsibility and what is the mushpa’s responsibility? Is a mashpia the one to turn to for everything? What is the difference between a mashpia and “asei lecha rav?” We will try to clarify this.

In order to get answers, we spoke with Rabbi Zalman Notik, a mashpia who is completely invested and totally dedicated all year round. Aside from his hundreds of mushpaim, and his wife’s mushpaos, who are in close contact with them, R’ Notik also serves as mashpia in several Chabad yeshivos in Eretz Yisroel and gives shiurim in Chassidus, as well as leads farbrengens with his special flavor and charm.

“The horaa/instruction of ‘asei lecha rav’ launched a revolution on many fronts. The main one being that until that horaa, mashpiim would take the initiative to speak to mushpaim. The Rebbe’s horaa put the onus on the mushpaim to appoint a mashpia and to consult with him now and then in matters of avodas Hashem. Of course, this made the hashpaa more powerful and more accepted.”

Some would say that frequent consultations with a mashpia undermine a Chassid’s capacity to do his own avoda. How do you respond to that?

On the contrary, one’s own avoda is expressed in carrying out the guidance the mashpia provides … Personal avoda can happen only after you know what to do. Most of the time, the mushpa doesn’t know what to do and that is where the mashpia comes into the picture. He explains to the mushpa what and how to do, but the avoda is definitely that of the mushpa, not of the mashpia!

Some will say: I learn sichos and maamarim of the Rebbe and get guidance in the Igros Kodesh. The Rebbe provides guidance on every subject. I have “knowledgeable friends,” “a doctor-friend,” and a rav that provides practical halacha rulings, so why do I need a mashpia?

The Rebbe gave clear guidelines about the need to ask the “asei lecha rav.” The Rebbe told us there is a way of doing things. If a Chassid has a question in avodas Hashem or a question about how to go about things in life, he should ask his mashpia. Sometimes, some of the confusion in avodas Hashem begins when a Chassid takes upon himself levels that are not for him. The job of a mashpia is to match “Lights” to “Vessels,” to know how to assess the person’s strengths and abilities; to ascertain where he stands and to match the level that he learned about in the maamer or sicha which he wishes to attain – to his spiritual standing!

Is a mashpia supposed to get involved with questions of chinuch, shalom bayis, decisions about finding a job, etc.?

Naturally, the mashpia should help his mushpa in every area, personal and familial, but this is not the primary job and responsibility of a mashpia. Occasionally, the mashpia can respond about finding a job, for example, since he is objective and sees things that the person consulting with him cannot see.

Yet, with all of a mashpia’s objectivity, there are things that he cannot decide. There are often “hidden” factors that cannot be decided by a mashpia; only the Rebbe can decide, which is why the mashpia will say to ask the Rebbe.

The mashpia needs to have the bittul to be able to say “I don’t know” or “I am not knowledgeable in that area,” and refer him to someone professional in that area. When you go to a professional as referred by the mashpia, there is the same heavenly assistance that the mashpia has.

Even with a coach or psychologist?

The main role of a mashpia is to enable the mushpa to make progress in his avodas Hashem and in this, he has heavenly assistance. If a mashpia feels that the difficulty the mushpa is having in his avodas Hashem is a result of some emotional or other problem and the mashpia himself does not know how to handle it, he needs to refer him to a coach, psychologist, therapist or anyone that he thinks is expert in the field that the mushpa needs help with.

A personal coach does not deal with avodas Hashem at all. His job is to develop a person’s horizons, to teach him how to actualize his potential, to bring out his ability to handle social situations, to accept problems as challenges, etc. Very infrequently will this directly impact his avodas Hashem. When it comes to avodas Hashem, you speak to a mashpia.

When children know that even their “all knowing” father has a mashpia with whom he consults about avodas Hashem, they absorb the idea that everyone needs a mashpia because people are subjective. This understanding will further their Chassidic education and the desire to choose their own mashpia.

MASHPIIM TELEPHONE SYSTEM

In recent years, there has been a great awakening concerning this campaign. The one responsible for this is Rabbi Shimon Yehuda Pizem, director of “Hisachdus Ha’chassidim,” along with R’ Shneur Gurfinkel who did tremendous work in setting up the phone system with the help of R’ Menashe Amitai.

“We are involved, boruch Hashem, with something the Rebbe called an ‘inyan nafshi’ (the Rebbe even said he has no words to express what he feels other than ‘soul request’). Since this request is so important to the Rebbe, we want to help people carry it out.”

On 2 Shvat 5774, “Hisachdus Ha’chassidim” launched a phone system where sixty-four mashpiim answer questions. “It’s revolutionary,” says R’ Pizem. “We have been assisted by R’ Yaakov Lenchner and his family who take care of the technical end of things.”

What is the goal of this phone center?

To make mashpiim accessible to mushpaim. Any Chassid who wants to consult with a mashpia is invited to pick up the phone and talk with a mashpia that he chooses based on his availability. Many people hesitate to call a mashpia because they don’t want to bother them. With this phone system, in which mashpiim have set hours, you can call and easily reach them.

When we first started, there were thousands of calls a month because of the novelty. Today we get between 500-700 calls a month through this phone system.

One of the mashpiim who regularly answers calls is Rabbi Efraim Mifi, who helps people find solutions in avodas Hashem. “Since the promotion of ‘asei lecha rav,’ and especially since the phone system was set up, I have seen a tremendous response among the young marrieds. They are talking about this and ask one another, ‘When is mashpia X available?’ and ‘When does mashpia Y take calls?’ This phone center is making a far-reaching impact on people and their homes.

“One time, someone called me whom I did not know. He began talking to me about the many problems he had in every area: parnasa, shalom bayis, chinuch, and his place of residence.

“I asked questions and spoke to him over the span of two-three days until we resolved all his dilemmas one by one! I said to him: Although I don’t know you, it seems to me that in this matter you need to do this and in that matter you need to do that. The person was very moved and thanked me profusely. That is just one example out of many.

“Another story that will illustrate the power of speaking to a mashpia goes like this. Someone called me after he was fired from his job. We spoke and he committed to consulting with me as a mashpia. In our first conversation, I asked him to write to the Rebbe and until he got a new job we would learn Torah together every morning after davening.

“He wrote to the Rebbe on Friday and on Sunday, when we learned together, he told me he had already gotten three job offers. On Wednesday, he had to go to his new job after Shacharis and I lost my chavrusa.”

What do you learn from this?

“That when a Chassid commits to doing what the Rebbe said and appoints a mashpia for himself, he merits heavenly assistance. When a Chassid consults with a mashpia because it’s a horaa from the Rebbe, the Rebbe takes the Chassid’s worries and hardships on his shoulders and helps him out. You just need to pick up the phone.”

R’ Pizem:

“There was an older Lubavitcher who returned from 770, all inspired, but after a few days he experienced a ‘spiritual fall.’ He was in a bad state. When he got a text message about the phone system we set up he decided to call and try and get help.

“The mashpia on the line gave him some advice and tips about how to preserve the special feeling of 770. He recommended that every day he study an inyan connected to 770 or Beis Rabbeinu Sh’B’Bavel, which gave him a more grounded feeling of connection.”

R’ Pizem, do you really think that calling a mashpia at a phone center is what the Rebbe had in mind when he asked to fulfill “asei lecha rav?”

“Of course not! The Rebbe wants the mashpia to know you personally and where you stand when it comes to Torah and tz’daka. Our goal was to generate greater awareness of this issue. Most of Anash have a mashpia and rav who guides them personally, but we wanted to help those who don’t have a personal mashpia and make mashpiim accessible to them. But obviously the Rebbe wants everyone to appoint a personal rav with whom he sits once or twice a month to discuss things seriously, and not just to deal with pressing issues that come up on occasion by calling the phone center.”

A MASHPIA MUST ALSO HAVE LIFE EXPERIENCE

Apparently, things are not all simple and smooth when it comes to “asei lecha rav,” despite the fact that it is extremely beneficial. In recent years, there is a phenomenon of young men (or women – as mashpios) who are chosen to serve as mashpiim for others. Being passionate Chassidim, they convey a tremendous amount of Chassidishe feeling to other young people and help them in their avodas Hashem as well as directing them in various areas of their lives.

This is a good thing for a number of reasons: Firstly, Ahavas Yisroel and helping others. It is also a fulfillment of what the Alter Rebbe says in the beginning of Tanya that someone who can help others and refrains from doing so with excuses of false modesty will be greatly punished, and finally, there is also the Alter Rebbe’s blessing for those who help.

“At the same time, an important point needs to be made,” says R’ Zalman Notik, mashpia to many men and bachurim.

“Sometimes, life experience is the only thing that can provide the right perspective of how to respond to a certain question. These are questions that require not only wisdom but also experience, as the saying goes, ‘There is no wise man like someone with experience.’ Not everything that is written in books suits every person. Sometimes, an answer that you take from the Igros Kodesh or sichos of the Rebbe, or a Chassidishe hergesh that a person has that he tries to convey to his mushpa, can cause harm to that person or even sometimes to a young couple. Although they need that Chassidic principle, in actual practice they need that principle applied on a simpler level that suits them.

“There are inexperienced mashpiim who are unable to correctly diagnose the actual capacity of the mushpa to integrate a horaa from the Rebbe. You cannot ‘drop’ what the Rebbe said on them because sometimes it can be harmful.

“There are abilities you gain only from extended experience that comes with age and the ‘wear and tear’ of life which the mashpia himself underwent.”

Can you give an example?

“A young couple went to the husband’s mashpia to consult with him about whether to go to the Rebbe for Tishrei shortly after they were married. Sometimes the Chassidic fervor of that young mashpia pushes him to give a positive answer, because what can be better than to start off married life than a month with the Rebbe? But the ‘Vessels’ of that young couple, oftentimes can crack or even break in the face of the ‘great Lights,’ i.e., it can be too stressful and overwhelming. Perhaps they would be better off spending that first year of adjustment to married life in a quieter place.

“This is a situation where young mashpiim should be very circumspect before giving a decisive answer.”

What do you suggest a young mashpia do if he gets a question like this?

“He should consult with older, more experienced mashpiim, and present them with the details and not decide on his own. This is not to diminish the importance of young people serving as mashpiim with the faith in the Rebbe and his concern for both the mashpia and the mushpa. Surely, the Rebbe will guide everyone in the best way.”

WHAT DO YOU ASK A MASHPIA?

It’s important to clarify the role of a mashpia in the mushpa’s life. Should a person ask a mashpia every question that comes up in life? What shouldn’t be asked of a mashpia but of others? The Rebbe himself responded to this in a sicha:

Due to the darkness in the world (olam from the root meaning hidden) it is possible that despite all the clear instructions in the Torah of Light, a person will still be confused and have doubts.

Confusion and doubts do not free him, G-d forbid, from his obligation “to serve my Maker” (even if the doubt is justified according to Torah), because this is a person’s constant obligation. Therefore, surely the Torah instructed him in a way to remove all doubts and confusion so he can serve his Maker with serenity.

For most things, a person can find a solution according to the general response that was given previously, based on the instructions of the Torah:

For medical matters: Do according to the advice of an expert; better yet – according to two expert doctors. If there is a difference of opinion, ask a third and do as the majority say. Better yet – a doctor-friend who is concerned for his welfare, or both together.

For parnasa and material life decisions: Do as knowledgeable friends advise, as it says, “and salvation with much counsel,” i.e., you need to be a maven in order to give counsel, and “much counsel” – two, and “friends” – who seek his welfare, for then they will look into his situation as necessary and give him proper advice.

For avodas Hashem, Torah and mitzvos: Ask a rav moreh horaa (or beis din) in your city including a mashpia, as the Mishna says, “asei lecha rav.”

***

In the sicha of 2 Adar 5748, the Rebbe said that in every area, whether personal or communal, one should do according to the instructions of a beis din of Chassidishe rabbanim. Since they learn Nigleh and Chassidus, they integrate Nigleh and p’nimius. Specifically, ask three rabbanim or one of them (especially in matters of tznius and the like where you cannot speak with three), for him to discuss it with the other two and respond on behalf of them all.

HASHEM HELPS TO FIND A MASHPIA

When the Rebbe spoke about a formal system of mashpiim back in 5737, he added some practical and important details:

1. What’s needed for the role of mashpia is for the leader to fit the generation and the generation to fit the leader. Especially nowadays, one should choose (or volunteer) someone who is fitting to be a mashpia, not necessarily the greatest and the most perfect.

2. To add, as our Sages say, “It’s not authority that I give you but servitude that I give you.”

3. This role should be carried out with “ways of pleasantness and ways of peace,” with truth and peace and drawing of hearts close and true brotherly closeness, appropriate for what is explained in the kuntres “Heichaltzu” (which is known and famous).

4. Especially when going with the power of the meshaleiach who are our Rebbeim-Nisi’einu, starting with the Baal Simcha and Geula and his successors until Nasi Doreinu, the Rebbe, my father-in-law … This matter starts with the Great Luminary, the Baal Shem Tov … and with the help of our Rebbeim-Nisi’einu, together with the merit of the multitude.

5. Surely it will become clear over time who is more worthy and suited and needs to be a mashpia.

6. There is no problem for there to be several (two or three) mashpiim, whether divided according to shuls or based on different topics of concern: Torah, avoda, g’milus chassadim.

7. It is clear that Hashem will not abandon his flock and will make sure and guarantee that there will be a mashpia and guide in the spirit and according to the teachings of our Rebbeim-N’siim, in every single place, and He blesses him with great and outstanding success in the avoda of hashpaa and hadracha.

8. The merit that will accrue to the mashpia is that his mind and heart will be refined a thousand times over.